Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
Hey everyone! This is the poem I’ve been trying to write for a while. I have finally gotten it done. I hope it helps those who need comfort and joy in their life, and I also hope you enjoy it. I brainstormed words to use in the poetry. I came up with 102 words. So, this might be a longer poem than usual. Here it is and feedback is appreciated. :)
Everyday I wonder. I wonder about everything.
Many times I wonder if I have love, true love.
Not just the romantic kind, but other kinds as well.
Such as friends, family, god even.
I do doubt sometimes if there is someone watching over me.
I constantly think that I am alone, forgotten.
Deep down I know my family loves, cares, and supports me.
But, I easily go into a dark place. A depressing place. Full of fear and doubt. Filled with negativity and despair.
I mourn over my happiness as I feel I cannot reach it. Like it’s not there.
Little do I know that I have to push myself to grab that light, that brightness that calls out my name so dearly.
I must create that happiness, that golden star that begs for me to come to it.
I must follow it to retrieve my normal self. My real self.
Anguish shall not overrule me, I tell myself. I am better than this.
Half the time, it doesn’t work. But, when it does work, I know it’s worth it.
I often borrow someone else’s guilt and wear it as my own.
That is how I am, how I was brought up.
My conscience has grown more and more to where lying is pointless.
I must speak the truth before the day is over or I will explode.
I will burst with guilt and fear. Not a pleasant feeling in my experience.
It suffocates me on the inside, as if I don’t deserve to breathe.
But, it is crystal clear that I am meant to be honest, to stay honest.
Without it, I will get no where in life.
Through the difficulties and obstacles in my life, I know to sing and dance when I can.
I drown in joy as I do what I love.
Slowly, I fulfill my dreams.
I feel I will succeed.
I believe in myself.
I trust in myself to do what I love most.
It’s like inhaling the most refreshing air.
The sweet wind sailing though my hair.
The cleansing the rain, oh how pure it is.
The soft melody of music that vibrates in my ears.
It lifts my sorrows.
It gives me hope that tomorrow is a new day, and a new dawning will come.
But, alas, I have an enemy who also has a bright side as a friend.
My disorder, my Tourette.
It starts a war in me.
One part me says I can make it through while the other says I can’t. That I am nothing.
Black and white thinking is what it gives me.
Some time it takes me to realize the gray section of thinking is there.
Like winter and summer.
One is too hot, the other too cold.
But, there is always spring and fall.
Day and night I ponder whether I belong in this world. If I am meant to be here.
I know I help others.
I know they need me, but sometimes I wonder if they really do.
If no one cares. If no one wants me around.
Like, my moms, for instance. They go through a lot.
They are the sun and moon.
Sun, the passionate and bright and energetic.
But, also the moon, pure and calm and peaceful.
But, it seems to be an eclipse that is forming.
The sun and the moon coming together, but it is more like crashing, colliding into one another.
They do not fight, not even argue.
There are arguments, but more like emotional conversations that occur.
I think of the struggles I have caused them to have.
How I may have made them into only having a friendship, not a marriage.
I feel everything falling apart.
But, I believe in my heart that something good will happen.
Every hateful thing coming my way, I shall kill it with kindness.
I will follow my gut, leading me on the right path in all of life.
I will fly through the sky of success.
I will do what’s best for me.
I will taste the freedom that I will soon have.
I will hopefully touch other’s hearts.
I will hear what is needed to be heard.
I will see the world’s most precious treasures.
That is not gold or platinum.
Jewels or clothing.
It is not any material.
But, the people of this world. Those who go through so much.
With disabilities, diseases, sicknesses.
Being told they can’t do anything, and yet they do it.
They prove those of us who have judged wrong.
They show that anything is possible.
The hole in my heart that has made me somewhat numb will heal.
Having faith in this world and trusting that things will change.
Looking up into the heavens, kissing the stars, mystified by the planets, the Earth, the universe.
The uniqueness in each and every one of us, it is a star.
We will one day celebrate all who have what they did not ask to have.
We will have a celebration of the relief of those who have had judgement bestowed upon them.
The courage of those being discriminated against is a flag.
A flag that shines with honor.
Power is not everything.
It can be vicious, deadly.
And, sadly, there are those who are not too cautious of it.
It does not matter who is weak or strong.
You are beautiful on the inside and out.
Turning your frown upside-down into a wonderful smile will shed a light toward people who need it.
It is an intense time.
It is hard to forget the hard, bad memories.
But, we must always remember the good memories.
The great times.
The accomplishments of those who were and are in this world both then and now.
Don’t let anyone decide who you are, who you’re meant to be.
What you are meant to do in life.
They are not you.
It is your life, not theirs.
As long as you keep getting back up again after being knocked down, you will have victory.
And hopefully, one day we will be victorious in making our own stories for ourselves.
Writing our own history.
Being whoever we want to be.
And that is the beauty of life.
That is why being different is the best thing in the world.