EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. In cased you missed any of the first 35 weeks, you can read them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.
Well, I’m fully back into my New York state of mind. My evil neighbor (anxiety) won’t leave me alone, and my tics are crazy. My neck and back are in a lot of pain this week, and I’d love to get a massage if it wasn’t for the fact of anxiety’s roommate (OCD). Maybe I should look into investing in a massage chair, and then I would be able to get a massage, and not worry about having some stranger touching me.
This week has been a bit crazy with my tics. With all the anxiety, I feel as if my tics are coming on stronger and more than normal. With my face touching/nose tapping tic, I actually gave myself a bloody nose. I hit myself so hard it just started bleeding. At first I thought I might have broken my nose, but it stop about five minutes later.
It really sucks, I keep on injuring myself due to some tic, whether it’s bashing my elbow into my side, flinging my head around like a cocktail shaker, or bashing my face. It so frustrating and I wish it would stop. I keep on researching and reading different studies on TS, and so many of them say that a vast amount of people with TS grow out of their tics in adulthood. Why am I in that lower percentage?
I know this week, I might be coming off a little dark, but I have been a bit depressed and I don’t know why. Everything has been going well, I just think I have too much on plate. There is so much work stuff, TSA things, and not to mention I still have a houseguest sleeping on my sofa.
As I have said before, this houseguest is a close friend, but my OCD’s are going crazy because of all of her stuff lying around. It’s not that she a messy individual, it’s just that my home is not the way I like it, the organized way I need it. I only have one more week until she heads back home, and I can’t wait to have my home back to normal. I think my depression is just the fact that I’m not able to deal with my OCD tendencies around my house until she is gone. Once she is gone, I will have two days to myself that I will be able to reorganize my apartment the way I like it.
I am getting excited about upcoming TSA events. Two days after my friend leaves, I will be heading to upstate NY to be a camp counselor at TSA of Greater NYS’ “Tic” apalooza. I am very excited for this because they didn’t have things like this when I was young. I think it’s a great event for kids with TS to be able to interact with other kids, and adults with TS.
It’s a way to show them that they’re not alone and let them see that there are many successful adults with TS. They should not let this syndrome stop them from doing anything their heart desires. I just received my counselors guide, and it looks like it going to be a fun filled weekend of activities. I know I just got back from being out of town, but it will be nice to get away again, especially to such a nature filled setting.
This week, the TSA-NYC had our monthly social hour. I head this up once a month, and it’s always a night I look forward to. It’s just a night to hang out, and meet other people in the area with TS, to socialize, and network. Every month we have new people showing up, and it just amazes me how many of us are out there, and how we differ in so many ways, but are so similar.
I was chatting with a friend and someone called out, “Troye? Troye Evers?” I looked up. There was an older gentleman looking at me, I said yeah that’s me. He introduced himself, and I realize it’s Lowell Handler, author of Twitch and Shout, and from the documentary, Twitch and Shout. I was shocked to say the least.
He recognized me from my Facebook page, my work with the TSA, and was familiar with my writing. It was a humble feeling to sit there and talk to another writer/author with TS especially one like Lowell who has done so much for the TS community, and someone I have such admiration for. It was a bit hard to converse with him because of his tics, and my OCD’s.
One of his tics is to touch the person he is talking with. He taps the person with his hand or toes to toes. I have discussed so many times how I don’t like people touching me, but fortunately, he only touched clothed areas. He never touched my skin, so I was able to deal with it.
I have been dealing with some fear due to my social anxiety. I’ve said before that I don’t deal well in big social settings, and I’ve been freaking out a little this week. One of my best friends is getting married this weekend, and I’m just worried about the amount of people, and controlling my tics.
I’ve been excited about this event and happy for my friend, but as it gets closer, I think of ways to get out of it. I do this all the time. I say I will attend an occasion, I get excited about it, but as it get closer, I start to panic. Well, guess what? I’m not going to do that this time.
I live in a big city, I’m involved with the TSA, and there are many different events that I’m going to have to attend. I have to learn to suck it up and just try to deal. I know one of my dreams it to be agoraphobic, but it’s not a healthy choice. If I’m going to continue advocating, educating, and bringing awareness about TS, I’m going to have to be social. So I’m going to be strong, venture out, and try to have fun. The first step to educating is to speak up, and open our mouths.
Until next week, “I’ll tic to you later.”