So since my last blog, my tics seem to have become considerably worse. Every other time this has happened, I’ve tried to find some sort of reason behind it — with things such as exams, and I have just started a new job — so I’ve decided to put it down to that!
But I have found that I’ve also got increased anxiety. The thought of being in a situation where I might be on my own makes me feel very scared, and if I’m going somewhere I feel I need to know what time we’ll be leaving to get there and how long I’ll be there for.
I’ve always been a bit obsessive with some things, such as timings (yet I am still often late – I don’t know how that works!!!), but it has got a lot worse recently — to the point where I need to be as much in control as possible whenever I can.
I hate that now the thought of getting on the bus on my own makes me feel sick. Up to now, I have been very conscious not to let my Tourette stop me from doing things, but as soon as my tics intensified, I felt so self-conscious I think the paranoia of what could happen is paralyzing me.
I know this is just another hurdle I have to get over with Tourette, and hopefully soon I’ll feel confident enough to venture out on my own again. I feel a bit silly that during the period of time dedicated to Tourette Syndrome Awareness I am cooped up in my house scared that people will even notice I have TS.
My heart wants to swell with pride for all those who are out there in the world ready to educate people about this condition so silly, self-conscious girls like me don’t have to fear the outside world so much anymore!