So since my last blog, my tics seem to have become considerably worse. Every other time this has happened, I’ve tried to find some sort of reason behind it — with things such as exams, and I have just started a new job — so I’ve decided to put it down to that!
But I have found that I’ve also got increased anxiety. The thought of being in a situation where I might be on my own makes me feel very scared, and if I’m going somewhere I feel I need to know what time we’ll be leaving to get there and how long I’ll be there for.
I’ve always been a bit obsessive with some things, such as timings (yet I am still often late – I don’t know how that works!!!), but it has got a lot worse recently — to the point where I need to be as much in control as possible whenever I can.
I hate that now the thought of getting on the bus on my own makes me feel sick. Up to now, I have been very conscious not to let my Tourette stop me from doing things, but as soon as my tics intensified, I felt so self-conscious I think the paranoia of what could happen is paralyzing me.
I know this is just another hurdle I have to get over with Tourette, and hopefully soon I’ll feel confident enough to venture out on my own again. I feel a bit silly that during the period of time dedicated to Tourette Syndrome Awareness I am cooped up in my house scared that people will even notice I have TS.
My heart wants to swell with pride for all those who are out there in the world ready to educate people about this condition so silly, self-conscious girls like me don’t have to fear the outside world so much anymore!
Remember you may have TS, but TS doesn’t have you. You shouldn’t care what other people think about you. Just be youself, and enjoy life!