My Story: “One Twitch At A Time” part 4

Here’s the continuation of my story, which I posted on here last week and started on my One Twitch At A Time page on Facebook. But PLEASE BE WARNED, I TALK ABOUT SUICIDE AND OTHER ADULT THEMES IN THIS PART, SO PARENTS KEEP THAT IN MIND IF YOU HAVE YOUNGER READERS READING THIS.

At this point in my life it seemed that bad things were happening in rapid-fire succession — girl problems, tic problems, not getting along with my parents … you name it, and it seemed to be going wrong.

Not long after the “15-word” incident mentioned at the end of part 3, I found myself at the end of my rope, and I decided that I no longer wanted to be the world’s whipping post. Late one night, I found myself sitting on a bench at one of our local apartment buildings. I sat there thinking about things like, “If I’d have known you were a retard, I’d never have went out with you,” and “Can you please stop doing that, it’s really annoying” whirling over and over in my mind.

I was in tears as I pulled my pocket knife out of my pocket and put against my wrist. I kept thinking, “Just pull it and that’ll be the end,” and after what seemed like an eternity I finally decided to end it and just as I went for the cut, out of absolutely nowhere my big buddy Shawn (The B.U.S.) walks up and sees what I’m about to do.

He grabbed the knife out of my hand, threw it Lord knows where and said, “You stupid SOB, if I ever catch you trying to do that again I’ll kill you myself!!!” God was watching out for me that night and sent in the right guy at the right time. God’s timing is ALWAYS perfect!!

It was around this time my family started going to a new church and I got involved with the youth group they had. They did things like Christian summer camps and winter snow camps, and while my motives for going may have been more on the carnal side (camps were a gold mine for meeting girls), God was really beginning to rub off on my heart. I never really prayed all that often, but when I did, I asked God to find me a girlfriend that didn’t see my tics, that was blonde and was beautiful. I prayed that same prayer whenever I prayed in hopes that God was listening.

One weekend, after yet another failed relationship, my mom roped me and Shawn into going to a youth convention down in Brookings. I did not feel like doing anything at that point in time and I remember thinking to myself, “I don’t want to spend two days with a bunch of happyJesus freaks,” but reluctantly I went.

I remember Shawn, Jason, Chris and I walking into the sanctuary of the church and across the front and seeing what had to be the most gorgeous girl I had ever laid eyes on. I couldn’t wait for some free time so I could try and introduce myself. Thankfully, some finally came and I tracked her down in the gym they had there. She was playing volleyball, and so me — knowing jack squat about sports and volleyball — decided to work my way into the game.

I remember trying to play but finding it impossible to keep my eyes on the ball as they seemed to be supernaturally glued on this vision of beauty next to me! Soon enough, free time was over and it was time for more teachings. We decided to sit together and seemed to really be hitting it off. We quietly whispered back and forth and passed notes when a youth leader would give us the eye.

During one of the worship songs, we both had our hands resting on the church pew in front of us and I found my hand inching closer to hers and hers to mine, and before I knew it our pinkies were touching. And then in an act of extreme bravery, I hooked my pinkie over hers praying to God that I was somehow not getting the signals wrong!

Before I knew it I was holding hands with this girl. That seemed too good to be true, but afterward we talked and found that we were both from Coos Bay but that her dad had just moved them there for his job and that we even had some mutual acquaintances! Before long, Sunday had arrived and it was time to go home, which meant saying goodbye to the girl of my dreams.

I remember giving her a hug goodbye and then parting ways, but I for some reason I failed to ask her for her phone number or address. The ride home was a long and depressing one, I couldn’t get this girl out of my mind and I was livid with myself that I didn’t get her number. I never forgot to ask girls for their number, why this time???

Time rolled on and I found myself in and out of relationships, and soon the girl from a year and a half ago in Brookings had faded from my mind. I began dating a girl from school, but it turned out she wasn’t very nice. In fact, she was quite rude and mean.

One Friday between classes a girl came up to me and said that some dude from Marshfield High School (MHS) was looking for me. I thought to myself, “Oh great, who did I piss off this time.” That night I was up in my room, and if memory serves, I was arguing with my girlfriend on the phone when my mom informed me that there was someone outside that wanted to talk to me, so I ended the call and went out to greet whoever it was.

I walked out on to the front porch and it was my buddy Mike (mentioned back in part 2), I hadn’t seen Mike in quite awhile as he had changed schools from NBHS over to MHS, but after a couple of minutes of guy talk he informed me that he had someone out in his car that wanted to meet me, so I said “Cool” and he went down to his car and two girls got out, one short brunette and a tall blonde.

The trio made their way toward me and the blonde girl said, “Hi Billy, remember me?” and I said, ” … No … ” She replied, “Joyce from Brookings?”

To be continued …

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