{"id":3538,"date":"2014-04-17T10:34:41","date_gmt":"2014-04-17T14:34:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/?p=3538"},"modified":"2014-04-17T10:34:41","modified_gmt":"2014-04-17T14:34:41","slug":"our-new-normal-parenting-our-child-with-tourette-adhd-ocd-odd","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/our-new-normal-parenting-our-child-with-tourette-adhd-ocd-odd\/","title":{"rendered":"Our new normal: Parenting our child with Tourette, ADHD, OCD & ODD"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ken Shyminsky<\/a>,\u00a0<\/strong>a former vice president of the Greater Toronto Chapter of the\u00a0Tourette Syndrome Foundation of Canada<\/strong><\/a>, draws upon his personal experiences as a teacher and student with Tourette Syndrome to help children with TS and related disorders. He also has Tourette himself and is the founder of the website\u00a0Neurologically Gifted<\/strong><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

I have an weekday mid-afternoon alarm.\u00a0 It goes off everyday signaling the end of school. \u00a0It is the sound of my son\u2019s blood-curdling shriek the moment he is \u201chome\u201d.\u00a0 Home to Nate is the place in his world that he is free of scrutiny of others and he can let his guard down.\u00a0 The garage door opens, then shuts and it is as if the whole outside world disappears and he is transported magically to \u201chome.\u201d<\/p>\n

Click, (the garage door), screech, \u201cF**k<\/strong>\u201d (in the loudest voice you can imagine), bang, bang, \u201cF**k<\/strong>\u201d, screech, bang then \u201cMom?\u00a0 Hi!<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

This is my alarm.\u00a0 My signal that it is my turn.\u00a0 Nate\u2019s turn is over and he has likely done an outstanding job.\u00a0 I no longer worry that his screaming and swearing will be heard by the neighbors. \u00a0I no longer worry about the noise or the coprolalia.<\/p>\n

He comes in to to the kitchen.\u00a0 \u201cHi Mom<\/strong>.\u201d\u00a0 His backpack bumps the counter and he says, \u201cF**k<\/strong>\u201d, screeches and throws his backpack into the corner.\u00a0 He screeches again.\u00a0 Then \u201cSorry Mom<\/strong>\u201d.<\/p>\n

At this point I make a decision about whether I should ask him how his day was or if he has homework or if I should give him a hug and a kiss.\u00a0 I really want to do all of these things but I play it by ear.<\/p>\n

\u201cI had a rough day<\/strong>.\u201d\u00a0 He tells me.\u00a0 He struggles to get his lunch bag out of his knapsack and ends up smashing it down on the counter in frustration at this simple task. Screech then a colossal \u201cAHHHHHH!<\/strong>\u201d, screech.<\/p>\n

I wait for him to finish throwing his agenda and homework on the counter and move away from this aggravating task. \u00a0I go in for the hug and kiss.\u00a0 I gently ask if the \u201csituation\u201d at school ended OK.<\/p>\n

Nate generously offers a kiss.\u00a0 The hug he endures because he knows he should.\u00a0 I remove the force of my hug immediately after giving it to let him direct the duration of contact.\u00a0 He tells me in 10 words or less what \u201cI had a rough day\u201d means.\u00a0 He has usually sorted it out at school with the excellent support of his team.<\/p>\n

He throws the next test at me.\u00a0 \u201cCan I have a pop<\/strong>?\u201d or \u201cCan we go out for dinner?<\/strong>\u201d or \u201cCan we get a pony?<\/strong>\u201d \u00a0Whatever the question is doesn\u2019t matter.\u00a0 He needs to ask me a question that he is sure I will have to say no to.\u00a0 He puts on his puppy dog eyes and stares at me with the look that if he could only have one wish ever this is what it would be.<\/p>\n

I say, \u201cNo<\/strong>\u201d.\u00a0 I don\u2019t launch into an explanation of why I am saying no or ask questions or otherwise engage in the question.\u00a0 \u201cWhere would we keep a pony?<\/strong>\u201d isn\u2019t going to help.\u00a0 Just \u201cNo<\/strong>\u201d and I move on.<\/p>\n

\"New<\/p>\n

Nate is now irate.\u00a0 He goes about his business yelling, \u201cWhy?<\/strong>\u201d and \u201cBut\u2026<\/strong>\u201d and \u201cB**ch<\/strong>\u201d and \u201cA**hole<\/strong>\u201d and the screeching and banging ramps up to full force.<\/p>\n

Depending on his day he will continue for a period of time attempting to engage me in the fight, banging, shrieking and throwing out profanities.<\/p>\n

I wait.<\/p>\n

\u201cSorry, Mom<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMom!\u00a0 I\u2019m sorry!<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK Nate<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

This might sound like a good ending, but it is often not the end but the beginning. \u00a0If Nate doesn\u2019t get the \u201cfeels just right\u201d apology acceptance from me he can quickly ramp up to being irate again. \u00a0We start all over.\u00a0 Only the second time he is feeling even more sorry and distressed, and the \u201cfeels just right\u201d apology acceptance from me is even more elusive.\u00a0 At some point I am able to convince him that I heard his apology, I accept it and I love him unconditionally forever and ever.<\/p>\n

Then one more drill.\u00a0 \u201cCan I have a snack?<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure Nate.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThanks, Mom<\/strong>.\u201d<\/p>\n

Nate grabs his computer and enters his Minecraft world.\u00a0 I go about making him and bringing him a snack with a smile.\u00a0 The alarm has been reset.<\/p>\n

Every day is difficult but really, it is so much better than it was — for both of us.\u00a0 I would have never thought that I could see so many positives from this situation, nor be able to brag about all the successes that occur during this short period of time, day after day.<\/p>\n

If you missed them, here are some of the successes:<\/p>\n