{"id":2209,"date":"2013-04-26T07:30:59","date_gmt":"2013-04-26T11:30:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/?p=2209"},"modified":"2013-04-26T07:30:59","modified_gmt":"2013-04-26T11:30:59","slug":"conditional-corner-the-end-of-an-ocd-era","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/conditional-corner-the-end-of-an-ocd-era\/","title":{"rendered":"Conditional Corner: The end of an OCD era"},"content":{"rendered":"

Conditional Corner is a series that runs Fridays on TSParentsOnline. All stories, including this one by Vrinda Pendred, were originally published at Conditional Publications<\/strong><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

When I was 11, my father went on holiday to Mexico City and brought back too many photographs, a Mayan calendar coin inside of a glass pyramidal paperweight, and a story about the Mayan calendar coming to an end on the winter solstice, 2012.<\/p>\n

No one knew I had OCD at that time. \u00a0If they had, perhaps this story would not have been passed on to me so early. \u00a0What was a joke to the general public over this year was, in fact, an obsession that had plagued me for 18 years.<\/p>\n

At 11, 2012 felt like a lifetime away. \u00a0By 2010, the anxiety started to crush me. \u00a0I had a small child to think about. \u00a0Would I never get to see him grow up? \u00a0Would he never have a future? \u00a0I wasn\u2019t ready to die. \u00a0I have brothers overseas whom I\u2019ve never met \u2013 I was desperate to meet them before 2012 because a mad part of me was convinced I would never see them otherwise. \u00a0Perhaps if the world did not end, something would happen to prevent me from ever crossing the Atlantic. \u00a0Maybe I would never see my old friends back in my birthplace of America again.<\/p>\n

I listened to podcasts about the prediction. \u00a0I watched documentaries. \u00a0I read books. \u00a0I was searching for some clever person who could contradict the prophesy in a more educated way, rather than simply dismissing it as nonsense. \u00a0These were my compulsions, my way of balancing the anxiety that consumed me as time passed, beyond my control.<\/p>\n

Then suddenly it was the 20th of December. \u00a0Just one day to go. \u00a0I couldn\u2019t sleep. \u00a0I KNEW it was stupid, yet I just couldn\u2019t shake off the panic.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t actually put into words what I felt about 2012. \u00a0It was terrifying to know that, if something DID happen, I could do nothing to stop it. \u00a0Time would march on without me.<\/p>\n

On 21st December, at the zenith of the winter solstice, I was busy working and didn\u2019t even notice the fateful hour had passed. \u00a0When I did at last check the time, I can\u2019t say how relieved I was to see that we had all made it. \u00a0I had known all along that was what would happen. \u00a0But OCD meant I couldn\u2019t fully believe that.<\/p>\n

And thinking about it, I want to state for the record that 21st December WAS the end of the world as I knew it. \u00a0After almost 20 years, I could finally breathe easy. \u00a0I now truly believe that the world will carry on. \u00a0Life will continue. \u00a0All apocalyptic predictions are nonsense. \u00a0I can really say that, now, with conviction. \u00a0I couldn\u2019t do that two weeks ago.<\/p>\n

And it\u2019s a beautiful feeling, realizing that you just CAN\u2019T predict the future. Que sera sera \u2013 whatever will be, will be. \u00a0There\u2019s freedom in this new ignorance.<\/p>\n

We made it. \u00a0Here\u2019s to the future, whatever it may bring.<\/p>\n

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