{"id":2195,"date":"2013-03-29T07:30:30","date_gmt":"2013-03-29T11:30:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/?p=2195"},"modified":"2013-03-29T07:30:30","modified_gmt":"2013-03-29T11:30:30","slug":"conditional-corner-a-tourette-testimony-part-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/conditional-corner-a-tourette-testimony-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Conditional Corner: A Tourette testimony, part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"

Conditional Corner is a series that runs Fridays on TSParentsOnline. All stories, including this one by “Garry”, were originally published at Conditional Publications<\/strong><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

My earliest memory of being told that famous quote (the one known worldwide to all young ticcers as they grow and their Tourette becomes more noticeable) \u2013 \u201cSTOP DOING THAT\u201d \u2013 was by my mum and my nan in the kitchen on that lovely sunny day in the mid-1970s.<\/p>\n

Everyone had longer hair then, and even though I was only 5 or 6 at the time, I can still remember sitting on the counter, tilting my head back and looking toward the ceiling so the longer hair at the back would touch the back of my neck and the middle of my shoulders.<\/p>\n

I really liked that feeling and for some reason wanted to do it again and again and again. \u00a0It was summer and I had my shirt off and it felt lovely on my bare back.\u00a0 It seemed a really big deal to my mum and my Nan, though, and they were discussing whether I needed a haircut \u2013 as if it would stop this new bad habit!<\/p>\n

Then over time I\u2019d do it at the family dinner table and got slapped on the wrist for doing it so much. \u00a0Then I did it at school and forever after, as well as other things such as constantly blinking and sniffing. \u00a0And yes, forever after I also got shouted at to \u201cSTOP DOING THAT\u201d, especially when in the company of my parents\u2019 friends or other family members.<\/p>\n

In school, I never took part in things with the other kids and used to stand on my own in the playground at dinnertime in my own little fantasy world, staring at the clouds, trying to make friendly shapes out of them and wishing for home time to hurry up.<\/p>\n

Then came the various noises \u2013 not words, but grunts and throaty stuff, and even louder and longer constant sniffing. \u00a0My most painful and prominent tic was rolling my eyes so much that they strained, and shrugging my shoulders uncontrollably. \u00a0I can remember being in the bathroom and being frozen solid, trying to make a certain sound with my\u00a0throat by breathing in air (as if taking my last breath). \u00a0I couldn\u2019t move until I\u2019d done it.<\/p>\n

I was pretty poorly as a child and my bronchitis, which I had suffered with for a long time, had also become bad. \u00a0 I was spending more and more time away from school because I was quite ill. \u00a0The simplest common cold or virus went straight to my chest and I\u2019d end up wheezing and spluttering for weeks at a time.<\/p>\n

Maybe people thought the other\u00a0noises were associated as well and blamed it all on the bronchitis?\u00a0 I was on all sorts of medicine and had to use a couple different inhalers, but I can always remember there being more and more tablets that, for some reason, I only took at home.<\/p>\n

I went through the next few years coming home and just wanting to sleep.\u00a0 As soon as I got through the door,\u00a0when I was about 12 or 13, my mum shouted at me to stop sniffing:\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t your teachers say anything about that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Other things started to happen to me. \u00a0I used to pick up my dinner plate\u00a0 from the kitchen, but couldn\u2019t walk through the door until the two imaginary firework circles inside my head were going in the same direction. \u00a0You know how when you have “sparklers” you hold them in the dark, move them around in circles, and on some cameras it comes out as a funny orange circle?<\/p>\n

Well, that was now in my head and stopping me from doing things unless they were both going in the same direction, and sometimes it would be hard to make them do that. \u00a0It was actually such a strong impulse that I thought this part of me was normal, and didn\u2019t everyone have to make the circles move at times? \u00a0It wasn\u2019t until my final diagnosis that I discovered they didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I felt so ashamed about my twitching \u2013 so utterly, utterly ashamed. \u00a0I\u2019d always shy away if it was mentioned or ignore the issue, or just run. \u00a0I could never talk to my friends about it and certainly never spoke to girls \u2013 at all! \u00a0Adolescence was the worst time.<\/p>\n

The name-calling started and I found myself making up stupid excuses to explain why I\u00a0twitched. \u00a0I\u2019d say I was in a car crash and had an operation and it made me like this, so it wasn\u2019t my fault, or other such stupid stuff. \u00a0I\u2019d forget about the noises, or if I caught someone looking at me, I\u2019d reverse them into a type of cough, which, due to the bronchitis, I seemed to get away with. \u00a0I became used to camouflaging my tics, and still do it to this day.<\/p>\n

Read the rest of Garry’s story next week on Conditional Corner!<\/em><\/p>\n

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