{"id":1532,"date":"2012-11-12T10:54:09","date_gmt":"2012-11-12T15:54:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/?p=1532"},"modified":"2012-11-12T10:54:09","modified_gmt":"2012-11-12T15:54:09","slug":"am-i-one-of-those-people","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/tsparents\/am-i-one-of-those-people\/","title":{"rendered":"Am I one of “those” people?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Below is what my friend posted on her\u00a0Frankly, My Dear … blog<\/strong> <\/a>today. We haven’t talked much lately, but I guess my daily Tourette Syndrome awareness posts are making an impact on my non-TS friends :)<\/em><\/p>\n

I have an online friend who suffers from Tourette Syndrome. She\u2019s not shy about sharing her story, but I\u2019m ashamed to admit I often wonder how I will react when the day comes that we meet in person.<\/p>\n

I like to think I\u2019m not judgmental or instinctive with my responses. I realize she can\u2019t help the things she sometimes does. When we talk, I feel so much pain for the sorrows and challenges she sometimes endures. But when faced with the thought of being in that moment with her tics, can I be the kind of person she needs me to be?<\/p>\n

Can I not have that knee-jerk reaction I sometimes have when faced with the unknown, that instant instinct to shush someone else or turn away? Can I not just stand there, not knowing what to do? Can I reach beyond myself to be that compassionate, caring friend; the same as she\u2019s been to me?<\/p>\n

Kate is confident. Able. Capable. Accomplished. Her Tourette is just a small facet of the wonderful person she is. I don\u2019t want that to define her any more than I want my poverty to define me. It\u2019s just a moment, just a glimpse of the totality of this life.<\/p>\n

She often fills her Facebook page<\/a><\/strong> with helpful links and wonderful insights. Tourette is mistakenly (or often intentionally, carelessly) used as the brunt of Hollywood jokes, a means of excusing bad behavior and foul language in a manner reminiscent of the Three Stooges\u2019 foolery instead of open, honest dialogue.<\/p>\n

The truth is, if it\u2019s misunderstood and can get a laugh, that\u2019s what people pay to see. It\u2019s disgusting and disappointing. Society often ridicules what it does not understand, making it all the more difficult to understand it. If it weren\u2019t for Kate, I still would have a minimal perception of her reality. Hers, and the millions more who suffer this syndrome.<\/p>\n

Y\u2019all know me and words. I love words. I love their definitions. I love the words behind the words. \u201cSyndrome\u201d simply means a group of symptoms indicative of a particular condition.<\/p>\n

But that\u2019s just it. It\u2019s a syndrome. It\u2019s not her<\/em>. It\u2019s not her life<\/em>. I\u2019m saddened with the reality that Tourette is often the only thing people notice about those who suffer. It\u2019s not just a momentary tic but the overall stigma, the fear and mockery that go with it. To label anyone in totality with just one description is unfair and incomplete.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m just as much to blame as other ignorants; I haven\u2019t tried to give much understanding to it before I met Kate. I\u2019m not good at reaching out when I don\u2019t understand something. I assume they don\u2019t want me to learn more; they want me to leave them alone and act like it doesn\u2019t exist. I don\u2019t want to embarrass the other person, and I\u2019m inadequately prepared to offer what they need.<\/p>\n

Not Kate. She\u2019s not afraid to say she has Tourette, not afraid to share how misperceptions, prejudices and even bullying are parts of life she\u2019s had to (but shouldn\u2019t have to) deal with. This morning, her Facebook wall had this post:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Oh, how this reached me, reached into me. Is it my own discomfort that caused me to be one of those insensitive people? Have I unwittingly made fun of someone else, instead of showing them understanding and acceptance? How often have I walked away instead of choosing to stand firm? What kind of example am I setting if I choose to not promote understanding and acceptance, if I choose to not seek it out myself?<\/p>\n

What I know about Kate: she makes ornaments. She sells handmade jewelry (I can\u2019t wait to buy this pair of Christmas Earrings<\/a><\/strong>). She\u2019s smart. She contributes more to society than a lot of people. She cares. I mean, she fundamentally cares about all of humanity. And through it all, I\u2019ve never heard her complain.<\/p>\n

Even though she has a right to. I asked her about this, and she simply said, \u201cIt\u2019s hard to complain when there is always someone worse off. I think seeing others in front of me needing help makes me focus on their needs rather than my own \u2026 \u201d<\/p>\n

Her post made me face my own demons and insensitive behaviors. Whether it\u2019s someone struggling with Tourette, anger management or just a bad day; how often do I think to myself, \u201cThere\u2019s something wrong with them\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t get involved.”<\/p>\n

I can be a selfish person. I don\u2019t want to be. I have my beliefs and assumptions and have let them color how I see people. I like to think I\u2019m sympathetic, but I have far to go. Certainly, I\u2019m not a bully. But I see now I\u2019m far less understanding than I could be. I hold no ill-will toward others, but neither do I step out often to help a stranger.<\/p>\n

I want to write so much more about society\u2019s misconceptions, but I\u2019ll leave that up to Kate. I\u2019m ashamed of my lack of support toward others. I\u2019m choosing to make a strong effort to look beneath what I see. To get to know the person, not the behavior. No matter who you are: We all have struggles. Some are just more evident.<\/p>\n

My motto should no longer be \u201cLive and Let Live\u201d but rather \u201cDo Unto Others.” When I am hurt, confused, struggling, or misunderstood it means more to me than money to have someone come alongside and walk with me, to share my journeys. I want to be that for Kate, and all those I know.<\/p>\n

Is it too soon to make a New Year\u2019s Resolution?<\/p>\n

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