I’m hesitant to type this, for whenever I say, “Tics are looking good!” two minutes later my kid is honking like a seal and spinning like an anorexic mama on a bike at the gym. But so far, the Intuniv doesn’t seem to be having a bad effect on my son. He does seem more focused, and he doesn’t tic much. It’s lovely.
Yesterday, at UCLA, I looked Dr. McCracken in the eye and said that we had to agree to disagree on the placebo. “I know it messed him up,” I said.
He just looked at me and smiled.
“I”m not 100 percent convinced this new drug isn’t going to send my Stink over the edge.”
This time, he spoke. “You need to have a bit more confidence, I believe!”
After the past two months, the truth is, my confidence in anything that smacks of Western Medicine is shot. And yet, I do 100 percent believe the good doc has decent intentions. I believe he is actually really competent. I’m just scared to admit that this will work for my kid – the one I’ve been cooking gluten free/caesin free for… for five years. The one who I worry about food dyes and freak out about at birthday parties.
“Will this piece of mermaid cake send him into a Tarzan head spin? Will this video game increase his eye rolls? If I don’t give him the opportunity to play video games am I an amazing earthy mama who wants my kid to unplug or am I turning him into a neurotic pre-teen who is going to land at his best friend’s house high on Diet Coke and lick Atari joy sticks?”
Life is not easy. Not for anyone. But I’m glad I have Stink in my life. And I’m quite sure you have some rockin’ tickers in your life also.
Yesterday, we went to a friends’ birthday party. It was clear that the tide is starting to turn. No more co-ed sleepovers. No more unconditional acceptance of all kids based on the mere fact that they are in another’s’ presence. Cliques are forming. Attitudes are brewing. Opinions are being formed.
“Stink, Z isn’t always going to be the same kid you thought she once was,” I told him on the car ride home.
His response, “I know! And really, it’s fine. I have so many friends. And Pip. And besides, I like our house better anyway. Let’s go to the beach tomorrow!”
And so we did. We took my mom with us.
We saw dolphins that leapt in the air, unafraid to be who they were meant to be. And, seeing my son frolic along the shore with his sister and Miss L, not giving a rat’s butt about Z who changed her mind about him sleeping over, it was clear that he was happy with who he was also.
And for that, my friends, I’m pretty darn stoked. Until next time – love you all!