{"id":4938,"date":"2017-05-10T13:37:55","date_gmt":"2017-05-10T13:37:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/?p=4938"},"modified":"2017-06-29T19:35:58","modified_gmt":"2017-06-29T19:35:58","slug":"2017-njcts-youth-scholarship-award-essay-growing-up-with-tourette","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/2017-njcts-youth-scholarship-award-essay-growing-up-with-tourette\/","title":{"rendered":"2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Growing Up with Tourette”"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS<\/strong><\/a>) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"

Tess K.<\/p><\/div>\n

Eleven years ago: I sit, legs crossed, looking down at the brightly colored shapes and
\nletters covering the carpet below me. I’m in my kindergarten classroom. The teacher walks\u00a0through the door and abruptly stops. “Tess, are you crying again?” I squeeze my eyes shut and\u00a0desperately attempt to stop the tears. My teacher stares at me. She’s disappointed, I can tell.\u00a0“Do I need to call your parents again to take you home?” I nod and get up to follow her out of my\u00a0classroom.<\/p>\n

Getting home always felt good, like I was finally in a place where I could be me. My six year old self never questioned why I felt so out of place; I would just cry in my room because\u00a0something felt fundamentally wrong. Five months after kindergarten began, I finally realized why.\u00a0I began to hear countless adults tell me, “You have Tourette Syndrome which means you will\u00a0experience some movements and sounds that you won’t be able to control, but don’t worry, you’re\u00a0ok.” However, no matter how many times I heard these words and saw the encouraging smiles\u00a0that so often came with that sentence, I was still scared. I wondered why I couldn’t finish a\u00a0sentence without uncontrollably sniffing, or why I couldn’t stop blinking. I didn’t want to do these\u00a0things, and I hated that I wasn’t in control of my body. I barely understood what I had been\u00a0diagnosed with, and the unknown terrified me.<\/p>\n

For six years, I hid my Tourette. I only told my closest friends and family, and I relied on\u00a0my parents to explain my situation to anyone else. My coping mechanisms were successful, but\u00a0nevertheless untruthful. I would lie about my Tourette, telling people I just had a cold or there was\u00a0something in my eye. Every time I made another excuse I felt guilty about hiding who I really was.\u00a0My life was good, but I still lacked the necessary skills to advocate for myself and others with\u00a0Tourette.<\/p>\n

Five years ago: I stand in my synagogue, pacing back and forth, holding a speech, my\u00a0speech, tightly in my hands. I see people file into the room. I start to shake, doubting myself and\u00a0the decision I have made. Hello everyone, my name is Tess. I’m in 7th grade, and I’m\u00a0here to talk to you today about a neurological condition I have, called Tourette Syndrome. I think to\u00a0myself: Can I really say these words and can I say them with confidence? I walk up to the front of\u00a0the room. I take a deep breath, calming my body and mind. I smile and begin. I hear my voice, a\u00a0strong powerful voice I barely recognize. I think: Is this really me? Am I really doing this? I am.<\/p>\n

Present Day: I sometimes recall memories of when I gave my first talk. It’s hard to even
\nremember that scared little girl I used to be. From the moment I finished that speech I knew I was\u00a0not that child anymore. Now I proudly advocate for my disorder and I am not embarrassed about\u00a0who I am. I want to become a voice for kids who haven’t found theirs yet. I present in classrooms\u00a0to students with Tourette so they don’t feel the need to hide their disorder in school. I present in\u00a0hospitals to doctors to share my personal struggles and story. I am finally comfortable in my own\u00a0skin.<\/p>\n

The Future: Educating others and explaining how important it is to accept one another is\u00a0something I will always be passionate about. I’ve made it my goal to publicly speak about\u00a0Tourette whenever I can. I want to continue doing this throughout my life. I will always make it my\u00a0mission to share as much knowledge about Tourette as I possibly can, because then hopefully\u00a0someday others will too.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest. 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