{"id":4059,"date":"2015-06-12T09:08:16","date_gmt":"2015-06-12T13:08:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/?p=4059"},"modified":"2015-06-12T09:08:16","modified_gmt":"2015-06-12T13:08:16","slug":"2015-njcts-childrens-scholarship-award-essay-i-am-who-i-need-to-be","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/2015-njcts-childrens-scholarship-award-essay-i-am-who-i-need-to-be\/","title":{"rendered":"2015 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: \u201cI Am Who I Need To Be\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome &amp; Associated Disorders (<a href=\"https:\/\/njcts.org\/\" target=\"_blank\"><strong>NJCTS<\/strong><\/a>) for their 2015 Children\u2019s Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_4060\" style=\"width: 310px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Gamboa-Maro.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-4060\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-4060\" src=\"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Gamboa-Maro-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"MaroG\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-4060\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">MaroG<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Growing up I never really understood much about Tourette syndrome other than\u00a0it made me twitch all the time and I never made many friends because of it. I was quickly\u00a0rooted out as the weird kid in the third grade, when it first developed, and it didn&#8217;t get\u00a0much better the following year, or the one after that. I was never very popular and I was\u00a0typecast as the weird twitchy kid with no friends up threw middle school. It&#8217;s not that I\u00a0was bullied; rather everyone in school always ignored me so that I was never included in\u00a0games or parties because I guess sitting near the kid who had a twitch was too\u00a0uncomfortable for all of them and it was easier to push me aside. But what really\u00a0bothered me was that if they thought it was uncomfortable for them then they really\u00a0didn&#8217;t understand how much the twitching bothered me. Needless to say I spent most of\u00a0my time alone when I was younger because of this and even though most would probably\u00a0be very upset about this I learned to manage it. Yes it would have been nice to have a few\u00a0friends growing up, but more importantly this taught me a sort of independence that is\u00a0very important to me now.<\/p>\n<p>Even though Tourette&#8217;s makes focusing on a single spot very difficult for me\u00a0when I&#8217;m constantly jerking my head from side I have loved reading ever since I was\u00a0young. In middle school, when I still didn&#8217;t have any friends I&#8217;d read every day to pass\u00a0the time simply because it was better than doing nothing. I read because I&#8217;m bored and I\u00a0have a lot of free time on my hands in and out of school. Or at least that&#8217;s how it started\u00a0back then because as time went on I realized that reading wasn&#8217;t just a passing interest, it\u00a0became necessary for me and it still is.<\/p>\n<p>Eventually all the childish bullying stopped bothering me when I began to realize\u00a0that I am who I am and there&#8217;s simply nothing anyone can do to change it, and I don&#8217;t\u00a0want to change. So if I&#8217;m stuck like this I had might as well prepare to be like this for the\u00a0rest of my life, and I am.<\/p>\n<p>And eventually the bullying stopped all together; my classmates forgot what it\u00a0was that made them not like me and they forgot that they didn&#8217;t like me to begin with\u00a0after I learned how to control the Tourette&#8217;s on my own a little bit better, or maybe they\u00a0just decided let it go. But unfortunately the damage was done, the end result to all this\u00a0was I never learned how to interact socially, and I didn&#8217;t even realize it until high school.\u00a0Whenever someone wanting to talk approached me I didn&#8217;t know what to say or how I\u00a0should say it. Should I be serious or joking, sincere or sarcastic, should I try to continue\u00a0the conversation or try to break away? The idea of having to talk to someone became\u00a0anxiety, and the Tourette&#8217;s didn&#8217;t stop, it wasn&#8217;t as bad as when I was younger but I was\u00a0still struggling to focus and not lose control of my head, making any confrontation that\u00a0much more nerve racking because I really didn&#8217;t want anyone to notice.<\/p>\n<p>But that doesn&#8217;t mean that I&#8217;ve become some sort of social pariah who hides away\u00a0behind a book all the time. It&#8217;s true that Tourette&#8217;s was never easy to deal with but that\u00a0just meant that I had to work through it if I wanted to take back a normal life that I\u00a0always wanted. Medication was always out of the question because that would only cover\u00a0the problem, not fix the problem and. I would just be running away from my personal\u00a0reality. If I couldn&#8217;t face that I cant face anything. I had to learn that even though having\u00a0Tourette syndrome had a big effect on how I ultimately turned out it doesn&#8217;t define who I\u00a0am, and even though I didn&#8217;t turn out how I wanted to, I am who I need to be.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome &amp; Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2015 Children\u2019s Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it! Growing up I never really understood much about Tourette syndrome other&hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/2015-njcts-childrens-scholarship-award-essay-i-am-who-i-need-to-be\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue Reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":492,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[18,38,49,53,76,116,136,188,212,264],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v22.7 (Yoast SEO v22.7) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>2015 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: \u201cI Am Who I Need To Be\u201d - Teens4TS<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome &amp; Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2015 Children\u2019s Scholarship Award\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/njcts.org\/teens4ts\/2015-njcts-childrens-scholarship-award-essay-i-am-who-i-need-to-be\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"2015 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: \u201cI Am Who I Need To Be\u201d\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome &amp; 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