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What is Tourette’s?

Tourette’s. It’s the thing you didn’t ask for. The thing you don’t want.

It’s there. But not just there. It’s much more than just there. It’s on your body. In your body. All over your body. What can you do? Nothing.

Tourette’s. The last thing on this Earth that I could see myself being completely grateful for. Sure, it connects me to others who have TS as well, but what other good is it?

Tourette’s. Worse than any of my depressive episodes. I can’t sleep. I can’t sit. I just move. I move, I move, I move.

Tourette’s. Pop some pills and pray for the storm to calm down. Hope that you’ll be better soon. Aspire to find a cure, but then never go to medical school.

Tourette’s. It’s the thing you didn’t want. It’s the thing that’s the most there. It consumes you. It takes you in. It holds you tight and whispers in your ears, “I’m never letting go”.

Tourette’s. It’s a hell of a ride. Ups and downs, ups and downs. It takes you not only on a physical, but an emotional roller coaster ride. Up. Down. Up. Down.

Tourette’s. You ask it to leave, then you plead. Leave, please. It won’t. It’s an unwelcome guest that stays in your mind and dictates your movements and sounds.

Tourette’s. It’s like that one person that you can’t stand, but have to keep around because they are a family friend or something like that. Except Tourette’s wouldn’t be a family friend. It would be a nemesis of any family. Consuming sons and daughters and taking them on wild unsupervised trips.

Tourette’s. It won’t define you. You tic, you think. You do so many things. So much noise. So much movement. But, that’s not you. You’re not Tourette’s. You’re you. You’re different and better than Tourette’s.

Tourette’s. A neurobiological disorder. A nuisance. It’s there and it won’t go away. It sits there at the controls of your brain and tugs. It tugs at the controls and bangs on the buttons that control your central nervous system.

Tourette’s. 3 AM. You’re not asleep. You took your medicine. Why are you still ticcing?

Tourette’s. It’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you. Worse than your dog dying or losing your favorite teddy bear. Worse than even losing a loved one.

Tourette’s. Tic, tic, tic, tic, tic. Will it stop? Ask it. It won’t answer. It just sits at the controls and bangs. Bang, bang, bang. It won’t listen to you. It hates you. You hate it. You’re your own enemy. Except you aren’t Tourette’s. It is not you. Remember that.

Tourette’s. The distractions won’t work. Why aren’t the medicines kicking in? What’s going on? Why is this rough patch lasting so long?

Tourette’s. It’s the thing you didn’t ask for. The thing you didn’t want.

EmmaO

7 Comments

  1. what is tourettes? tourettes is what i live with every day … its my joy and my sorrow … my fear and my courage … my weakness and my strength … its me and yet its not me … all at the same time.

  2. Tourettes is definitely all of those things. Great poem Emma. Thanks for sharing with us.

  3. I loved your poem, Emma! It inspired me to write my own.

    Why oh why do I have tourettes? Or in reality does it have me? I don’t know.. you don’t know. What DO we even know? Not much, not much. Not much is known. ‘Tis a weird disorder you see. It makes us move, makes us talk. A tic it’s called. A tic, a tic!

    Tourettes is tricky. Tourettes is picky. Tourettes is also kinda icky. It comes and goes. Waxes and wanes. It’s changing all the time! One day it’s this. The next day it’s that! Please.. just stay the same.

    A tic, a tic. it’s such a dick! Can you please just let me be? I want some peace. I want some quiet! Why can’t you let me be? It is all I want. All I hope. Please.. just let me be.

  4. This is beautiful young lady. You have a very tender, astute heart. Sounds like you have overcome a lot of this, too! Good luck to you in life!

  5. emma you couldn’t have more read my thoughts and feelings with this. this is exactly how i feel. what made you want to write it?

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