Don’t fear, just live right.
~ Neal A. Maxwell
Hello everyone. It’s been awhile since I posted. I would say I’ve been busy, but I would be lying. I just haven’t been feeling like posting anything very much. I don’t know if it’s a phase that I’m going through or if it’ll be like that forever — I certainly hope not. But I am posting now, and I’ll keep you up to date what’s happening in my life so far.
My sleeping habits are as bad as you can imagine. I was happy about having my summer vacation, and I started staying up late — .about as late as 5 a.m. Of course, I was tired the next day. Then I didn’t sleep all night, and I took a nap in the middle of the day. This led me to waking up in the evening. I went to sleep around 4 a.m. and then woke up at 4 p.m.
Basically, I have been sleeping through the daytime. This was nice for a while, but then it started getting — what’s the word? — sad, I guess? I mean, I’ve been missing out on a lot of things going on. Last night was much better, though. I went to bed much earlier, got 7 hours of sleep during the night and took a nap during the day. I hope it slowly starts getting better.
My tics have been horrible since my sleeping habits worsened. My forceful inhalation and exhalation became more forceful — not good with much vocabulary, I apologize. I have had some head-jerking and my agitation is high and low like a roller-coaster.
I have been slightly more depressed the past week, and I’ll explain why.
One of my best friends has an uncle. He is irresponsible — especially when it comes to his driving. He and his ex-wife made his child made him into a monster, and he is a complete ladies man.
So a couple years ago, he started pecking a kiss on my neck every time he was about to leave. It freaked me out so I told my moms immediately. But, it’s weird. Right after I told them, he just stopped. And my moms never talked to him about it. So, he was alright to be around for a couple years — until last Wednesday.
I went to sleep over with my best friend at her grandmother’s house. The uncle was there, but I am not sure if he lives there or not. Anyway, whenever he and I sat next to each other, which was twice, he brushed up against me. I got a bad vibe from him, and I wanted to leave, but I felt I needed to be strong and learn how to take care of myself. I didn’t want to be a burden on my parents’ shoulders.
He also drove us to go get ice cream. I was praying to God that I wouldn’t die in a car accident, but he was doing OK as a driver that night. Later that night, I couldn’t sleep because my mind raced about him sexually abusing me. It was scary.
When my second mom picked me up, I started bawling about the whole situation. She kept telling me it wasn’t my fault and other advice. Mom comforted me and said she would deal with it. I have the best parents ever.
I was getting better, but then there was dance class on Friday night.
After dance class, I walked out and started walking over to my mom’s car, which was a little ways away. These two drunk guys started talking to me, were making fun of me and almost hitting on me. Halfway to my mom’s car, I started having a breakdown. I got in the car, and my mom — being the cop she is — dealt with the situation. I have been feeling vulnerable, but I am slowly getting better.
I haven’t been writing anything. I haven’t been editing anything. I have temporarily given up on writing at all. I have realized that I hate my writing so much that I can’t even fix it. I dislike all of my ideas. I can’t even write poetry right now. So I’m going to wait until I can’t take anymore insanity and then I’ll try again.
That is what has happened so far.
Question of the week: What has kept you strong through situations that have been hard to go through?
Hope you all are having a terrific week! 🙂