“There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.”
I’ve decided to post a collection of all my poetry from Twitch and Jerk. I am starting at the beginning from when I founded TaJ. Here they are, in three parts. The first part is from the beginning through June 2011. The second part is July-December 2011. And the third part is January 2012 through now. I hope you enjoy them. :)
January 11, 2012:
I step outside into the rushing wind. The pouring rain. The moisture in the air. The cloudy skies. The waving trees. Leaves falling. Feeling the drops of water fall onto my skin, seeping into my soul. I feel cleansed. I feel free. My worries are gone. Even if they come back after a moment, that moment was worth it. Breath in the crisp air. Smell of wet grass and damp wood. Tics are flying out, freeing my body from the ache to let them out. I am myself again. I am refreshed once more.
January 19, 2012:
Dawn. Where the sun’s rays pour into the sky, the ground. The smell of dew on fresh leaves. The cool, settled air resting on my face. Close my eyes. Take a deep breath in. The sun rises like bread in the oven. Red to orange to pink to yellow. The trees’ colors brighten. The birds chirp their sweet song of, “Good Morning!” A feeling of reassurance that the world is okay, that we all are okay. This is what happens when I start to doubt myself. Belief comes flying back. The morning is my confidence, rising like the sun
January 22, 2012:
Memories, my memories. How sour they were. How my heart broke when I was laughed at. How I was a monster for a while. How I was horrified, vulnerable, feeling broken about my disorder. How sweet my memories became. My life was changed. My heart mending, slowly. Used to the pain, annoyance, staring, giggles, scorns, whispers. Learning to smile. Learning to fight. Learning to love who I am. And I do. I am proud. I am weird, different. That’s what makes this world go round.
February 7, 2012:
Depression sweeps over me like a brush full of black paint. So dark. I feel alone. I am alone. No one understands how I feel. No one cares about me. The tics I have cannot be contained. Serenity, sweet serenity. I beg for you. I have given up on myself. I pray for light to shine in through the dark. I hope for help in lifting me up. My spirits be lifted into the golden gleam. That I be myself once more.
February 10, 2012:
I am enlightened by the inner glow of my spirit. Showing me how to function in this world. Sweet melody of peace pouring from soul. Drinking in the beauty of nature and life itself. Believing in myself to do the right thing. My thoughts filled with happiness. I am lifted into the cool, refreshing air. I start to soar. I am flying. I am free. I take a deep breath. Love this feeling, this emotion. I see the light. I am the light.
February 18, 2012:
A tic can be an annoying pest or a good good friend depending on what you choose it to be. I choose to make them a song. A sweet melody that rises out of me. Then, I can say that I break out into song all the time. So, in this case, I make my tic into an annoying pest and a good friend, because sometimes a little bit of both can help me accomplish things I never knew I could accomplish. What do you choose?
February 21, 2012:
Love. Soft and precious it is. Greater than the hurt we feel. Love is not always the romantic kind. There is family and friends who love you for who you are. Even your pets love you. Love is support. Let love spread throughout this world, even to those who do not deserve it. For it may change their lives forever. Dance of love. Sing of love. Be love. Once you become love, it becomes you. Then, you will never be forgotten.
February 27, 2012:
I am drowning.
Drowning in a pool of sorrow and confusion.
What have I done?
Slowly, slowly pushed her away.
Never saw, never knew.
Then she tells me of her sadness.
I am lost.
I have no recollection of such bitterness.
Was I that mean, that ignorant?
Love, ’tis love that caused my change probably.
I wait to die or to live.
Die in sadness.
Live in happiness and regret.
She looks over at me.
A tear falls from her cheek as she lifts me up.
I look at her in shock.
She pulls me out.
I sob into her arms as we hug.
She has forgiven me.
A true friend she is. A true friend.
March 7, 2012:
I wake up from a dark nightmare. My fear grows. My heart is beating fast. I collapse into my pillow. I inhale and exhale slow and deep. I want to cry. I feel lonely, alone. Then, I look out my window. The sun is shining bright on trees, the ground. Leaves lying on the ground glitter from the dew of the morning. The wind is strong and moves the trees, making them wave. They wave around in happiness, freedom. The birds are out, chirping, feeding. The sky is clear, beautiful blue. I walk outside and I feel the rush of the cool wind. I smell the sweet, fresh air. My loneliness fades away. I open my eyes and see the good things that life has to offer.
April 4, 2012:
A tear runs down my cheek.
I don’t want to wipe it away.
I am fearful, lonely.
I don’t want to feel this way, but I do.
I stare into the darkness as my enemy.
I grow to hate it. It is what makes me depressed.
I feel alone. Am I alone?
I don’t know.
I can’t see anything or anyone.
I am in my own corner, crying and hoping.
Hoping for joy and relief. Hoping for a light to bring me back to my true self.
A smile or two would be nice.
Is there anyone out there to help me? There is.
There is! I see her.
She reaches out her glowing hand. I look up at her.
She smiles and I grab her hand.
A smile starts to stretch across my face.
My mother has come and rescued me.
I love her. And, she has shown her love for me.
I will always remember that moment.
April 13, 2012:
I lay in bed as I watch the sunrise. Down, the darkness fades. Upward the light shades the sky. As the beauty grows, my eyes grow wider. A smile spreads across my face. Night turns to day. The grass becomes wet with dew. The leaves are crisp. The animals are walking about. I step outside and my face is cooled with the spray of morning. A sweet sensation. I sit down and look at the world this way and think, “How could it be any better?”
May 8, 2012:
The clouds. They are slow, grey. The cover the entire sky with their gloom. It’s saddening, depressing. Makes me think of the bad memories. And the times I made terrible mistakes. But, then I think, who hasn’t made those kind of mistakes? Everyone makes them whether they realize it or not. I’m not perfect. But, I’m not a bad person either. I learned from my mistakes. Not all of them but most. Even those who are much much older still learn. I should not worry what others think of me. I should only worry about what I think of myself. So, I push those feelings aside and wait for the weather to clear. Strangely, after a minute, the sun comes out. And, I feel relieved. Happier. Me.
Hope you all are having a beautiful day! :)