Today I discovered something more about myself, something I might know about but was unaware of. In school, I am studying to work with little children, and we had a course called “expression” that requires 4 hours of knitting. A couple of times, some teachers passed by to see how we were, well, knitting.
After a while, I started to notice that every time a teacher was checking my work, I started working faster and better in hopes that a teacher would ask how I’m doing or give some (positive) feedback. I was unaware of it before. And sadly, again they didn’t ask how I was feeling or give any feedback at all.
Although I’m a bit shy, I need a teacher who gives me feedback a lot and who asks if I’m feeling fine — a teacher that shows some more interest in me. Sadly, most of the students in my class are more social than I am. They talk faster, louder and more, thus automatically getting some attention.
I could use some more attention from teachers. Just asking how I’m feeling gives me an instant boost, which allows me to concentrate better and motivates me more. But today I became aware that — actually, it was not only today — I start knitting (or working) faster and better when teachers come and check on me. I’m doing this my entire life, already!
For my whole life, I’ve tried to get some attention in class from teachers. I try to work harder and better when I notice there is a chance to get a more personal contact, especially when working in smaller groups. Or I pimp my school agenda with pictures and cool drawings, just in the hope a teacher would say, “Hey, that’s a cool agenda!” But no.
They do these things with other students in class. Sometimes I just think they are scared of me — scared to say something wrong, that I would eat them since I’m a scary monster. And that makes me feel sad and frustrated, especially since my parents and I talk about this with the school. They just seem to keep forgetting it.
It’s a battle I have had for my entire school career — a battle I would like to stop and forget when going to school. No more battling for some attention — just being a student like all the others that don’t struggle with asking some attention.
I hope some day teachers will start doing this without me asking, talking and having meetings with my parents. However, I’m giving up this hope. Maybe I’m just a scary monster with a happy life outside those school buildings.