52 Weeks of TS: Week 49

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just THREE weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

OK, this is really it. We are coming so close to the end of this series. I really can’t believe how fast this year has flown by. Is it really already the end? I spent the evening in a minor anxiety attack. I guess the fish oil does not help with all anxiety. I tried to keep distracted with TV, but it was not helping that much. I did end up having to take a Klonopin just to relax myself so I was able to go to sleep. By the time I woke up the next morning, I pretty much forgot about the events of the night before, but I was quickly reminded.

I was walking along the area rug in my bedroom when I heard and felt a crunch under the rug. This is usually no big deal. I am always finding something that the cats got a hold of and have hidden under the rug. I have found pencils, matches, pen caps and whatever they get a hold of, but I never expected to find a mouse. Yep, a mouse. I felt and heard the crunch, and without thinking, I just lifted the corner of the rug to find out what they put under there this time. There it was, lying lifeless but its germ and disease slowly spreading through my home.

After a minor freak out, I knew I had to remove the deceased body myself. I went into the kitchen, and retrieved a pair of tongs and a garbage bag. After picking up the mouse with the kitchen tongs and putting the mouse and the tongs in a large kitchen garbage bag, I threw everything down the garbage shoot and went on to Lysol almost every square inch of my apartment.

I have spent most of the past 48 discussing different ways and options that I was attempting to help with any of my symptoms of TS. One of the most effective things is fish oil for my anxiety, but it is definitely not working on OCD and Germaphobia. I have tried many different paths, a lot of them with no outcome, but that’s just my case.

People with TS are all different, so something that doesn’t work for me, might actually work for someone else. I have been trying acupuncture and Chinese herbs and I am closely approaching the six-week period where I should be seeing some type of change, but I haven’t seen much of a change so far. I have tried to pay attention to any differences in my body, but all I can notice is maybe more tics, or just a harder time trying to suppress my tics. I don’t know if this is the Chinese herbs, or just the comfort and acceptance that has grown inside me.

I have grown a lot this year, and become very comfortable with myself and who I am. That’s what life is for, to grow. Even though the year is close to the end, I still plan to continue on my journey of growing and educating and I hope you do, too. Until next week, “I’ll tic to you later.”

52 Weeks of TS: Week 48

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just FOUR weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

It’s a quiet night in New York City — not a normal night, but a night that you think you can walk down the street and let out one of those tics. One of those weird and strange tics. Can you really walk down the street in New York and let out a barking tic without anyone noticing? Nope. No matter what there are still people out there.

Just when you think you’re alone and you fling your head around, or make some weird vocal tic, someone walks around the corner. You see the stranger look at you with that questioning look, asking themselves if they really saw or heard that. They subtly look at you to see if it happens again, and wonder what is wrong with you.

This is the point where you try to cover it up, a violent throat clear as if you’re choking on something, or maybe a swatting at your face as if there was some bug on your face. Did it work? Do they really believe the cover up, or do they just think you’re a crazy person?

We travel a hard and difficult road. As anyone with a disability, or something that makes them different, you can never really understand what they are going through. I can write and write about what is going on in my mind and body, but does that really put you in my shoes? Can you really understand what is going on in a body of someone with TS? Do you feel the fear, do you understand the embarrassment?

I don’t think someone will ever truly understand unless you have actually experienced it to the level of someone with TS. I can only put so much into words and on paper, but the truth lies inside me. The emotional and mental war that goes on inside me sometimes feels like an endless battle, but I continue to fight. I fight with my words and experiences in hopes to educate one person, but that’s only part of the war.

I might be able to dispel some of the stereotypes of TS in one uneducated individual, but I still have to battle what’s going on in my body. Education does not make my tics go away, it doesn’t calm the anxiety, and it is not going to rid the embarrassment I live with. I fight these battles alone.

To fight these battles I find new weapons all the time. It’s almost like a video game; if one weapon doesn’t work, I go into my arsenal to find a new better weapon that might do the job. So far, I have found some good weapons. The fish oil has been working great with my anxiety. It has not rid me completely of all my anxiety, but so far so good. I never thought that I could be or would be as anxiety free as I am today, but I do feel blessed by this.

After living with such anxiety for so long, it is hard to get used to being as calm as I am. I still am having difficulty dealing with the lack of anxiety in my everyday life. As I said last week, I have become much more laid back with my daily rituals. However, it’s a soothing change to not be worried about so much.

The world is not going to end if I wait until morning to put the dishes in the dishwasher, or wait an extra day to water the plants. It’s a beautiful thing to sit in bed for that extra hour and not worry about finishing everything that has to be done before I have to leave for work. If I don’t get it all done, there is always time to do it later.

One of the newest weapons in my arsenal is a combination weapon of acupuncture and Chinese herbs. Does this work? Is this working? I’m still not sure. My acupuncturist said it takes about four to six weeks to see a difference. As for the acupuncture, I have reached that six-week timetable, but I still have not seen any positive changes.

Last week I said that I felt as if my tics actually got worse after my session and actually may have had inflamed muscles in my back causing horrible back pain. I discussed that with her this week and we tried a new path in our journey. Instead of lying on my back and getting needles strategically place on my front, this week I laid face down with needles in my back.

In addition to the needles, she also used an ancient Chinese method of cupping which has been said to be an effective form of deep tissue massage. Did this new path work? Once again, I can’t say. By the time I had my appointment, the back pain was gone, but who knows, it might work in the long run.

I was able to reschedule my book release party this week for A Day in the Life of Tourette Syndrome because of the lack of attendees after the last book release. It was quite a success, and I was able to meet and talk to some of the people that I reached in my battle to educate. Just to hear how much they have learned from my words made everything I do worthwhile.

I know I can’t change the world all by myself, but I can get one step closer with each person I reach. I’m going to continue to reach out to people and educate them. If we all try in some way to educate someone, we will be one step closer to educating the world.

Until next week, “I’ll tic to you later.”

52 Weeks of TS: Week 47

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just FIVE weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

Happy birthday to me! Speaking of birthdays, I think I have concluded that I want my cake and I want to eat it, too. This has nothing to do with my actual birthday, but more about my life. I have been taking the fish oil for about two months now and have noticed different changes in my body.

Not only has it helped decrease my anxiety, but now I’m thinking it might be helping a bit with my OCD. I don’t think it is actually ridding me of my OCD tendencies, but I think that a lot of my anxiety triggered my OCD. It’s not affecting the germaphobia part of my OCD, but the cleanliness part is being affected. There are little things around my apartment that are taking me longer to do than they normally would. I’m actually leaving dishes in the sink, and I’m not freaking out about things being in the right place.

I’ve spent the past year trying different things to rid myself of different symptoms of TS. Now that I have decreased my anxiety, I’m happy, but am I ready to rid myself of certain OCD tendencies? I have always prided myself on the cleanliness and organization of my home, and now I feel as if it might be suffering.

There’s no winning. Either I can be filled with anxiety and have a clean home, or I can be relaxed in a dirty home. I know it’s really just my mind; my home is not that dirty. It’s yet another roller-coaster of emotions going on in my body. For example: Once we are done cooking, I will look at the dishes and have a little freak out in my head, telling myself I should clean the dishes, but there’s another voice that says I can do them later. It’s time to relax.

Who is this voice telling me that I can relax? I haven’t relaxed in years, and now that I am, I’m not sure if I’m ready. I know that this might make no sense, but I guess this is why I’m writing it. Sometimes things that happen in the head of someone with TS doesn’t make sense to someone else, but it might make sense to us.

I had yet another acupuncture appointment this time, but this week was different. Every week she pokes me with a bunch of needles, always in different places on the body. Sometimes on the head, sometimes in the ear, or wherever. It doesn’t hurt, but I have yet to notice any differences with my tics until this week. Nothing got better, but instead got worse.

All evening I kept on experiencing weird muscle spasms and new tics, but they were not like normal tics. I know when I’m about to tic, but these tics came out of nowhere. They just happened and that was it. This went on through the night and even after I went to sleep. That night was one of the worst night’s sleep I had in a long time. Every time I fell asleep, one of my muscles would jerk and wake me up. I was freaked out, wondering how long this would last. Thankfully by the morning I was my normal ticcy self, but I was left with a horrible back pain from ticcing all night.

The back pain is not new to me. This is the back pain that I spoke of before. I get huge knots in my back from ticcing, stress and anxiety that cause excruciating pain. It’s always on my right side, causing me not to be able to move my neck, turn my head or have much movement in my right arm. There is also another thing that lives on my right side, all my tics. Every time I tic, the pain just runs through my whole right side. I’m not blaming the back pain on acupuncture, but it is definitely something I’m going to bring up to my acupuncturist next week.

Despite all the pain, I still had to live my life. It was a full week. I also did a book interview for an online web show. Normally I would be extremely nervous about this, but I wasn’t. I’m not sure if it was the fact that I had so much going on, or maybe it was the fish oil calming me down. No matter what it was, the interview went well.

I’ve never been one for public speaking, but I do have to say, it’s much easier when you know what you’re talking about. I have yet to actually watch it. That’s the thing, I hate watching or listening to myself. I can hear my tics and see them. I have become more comfortable ticcing, and being myself, but that doesn’t mean I sit around watching myself tic. No matter what, there is still that little self-conscious boy inside of me. That shy, scared little kid that doesn’t know what’s going on.

No matter what is going on in our life, I’m sure we can find something we are thankful for — we are alive. We have been blessed with the gift of life. Even though we might be given other gifts in life, we need to acknowledge that they are gifts. I might have spent most of my life hiding from my TS, but I now see it as a gift.

I feel I have been given this gift to learn from, and to educate people about the syndrome. I’m thankful for the people that I’ve touched, I’m thankful for the syndrome I was blessed with, and I’m thankful for you. Until next week, “I’ll tic to you later.”

52 Weeks of TS: Week 46

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just 6 weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

I’m tired!! I have to say, I think this has been one of the longest, most exhausting weeks that I’ve had in a while. I had a freelance job doing hair and makeup for a high school musical, which I do about 5 times a year, but this one was different. I usually design the show three weeks in advance, but I missed two weeks. I ended up designing the show on Monday, and we opened on Wednesday. This just made for a very stressful week, not anxiety, but a lot of stress.

Just like anxiety, stress triggers my tics, so it’s been a very ticcy week. I feel as if my brain has been bouncing around inside my skull all week. My neck tic has been bad all week, and I’ve been taking aspirin for the constant headache that does not seem to go away.

Usually, I try not to suppress my tics in my everyday life, but while I’m working in the high school all bets are off. I just feel as if I have to suppress them.

I guess it has to do with my own high school experience. There was always constant mocking and my fellow students were always making fun of me. Once I walk back into a school, it tends to bring me back to that time and place. It’s a cruel world we live in. I try not to suppress my tics in many adult situations, but when you’re dealing with uneducated ignorance and immaturity of high school kids, it can be hard to explain. How do you teach someone something who thinks that they know everything?

A person with Tourette Syndrome has to have thick skin. It’s not something we are born with, but we have to grow it. I thought about this a lot this week, and I’ve realized that we have been supplied the greatest weapon for our fight to educate — our mouth. The more we open our mouths, the thicker our skin becomes and the stronger we become, but it can be a hard thing to do.

When we are kids, we are scared, nervous and possibly beaten down by ignorance. It can take a lot for those shy kids to battle their own fears and demons, to turn around and speak about the very thing that has brought them down. Look at me. It took me about 15 years to start my battle against ignorance, and I still deal with fear. Despite the fear, I still try to fight the fight and continue to educate people.

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52 Weeks of TS: Week 43

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just 9 weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

This week has been a bit of a stressful week. Now remember there is a difference between stress and anxiety. My anxiety is still at an all-time low, but we are always going to deal with the everyday stress that life brings us. I’ve been planning a big book release/signing party for my book “A Day in the Life of Tourette Syndrome.” This event is going to be a big event, with approximately 150 people, and just finalizing all the plans and making sure there are enough books for everyone is stressing me out a bit. I think the excitement of the situation is also adding to the stress factor.

It has been an interesting week looking into myself and my anxiety. I know that different medications and supplements work differently on different people, but I do have to say, I’m really believing that the fish oil has helped with the anxiety. The anxiety plagued me 24/7, but all of a sudden, it’s gone. My unwanted neighbor, anxiety, has been evicted.

I do wonder if it is the fish oil, or maybe even the waxing and waning of TS, but I’m going to go with the fish oil. I have been on quite a few medications for the anxiety, including Klonopin, for the past six years. This week I actually reached a point of wanting to cut out the Klonopin. I have been on Klonopin for the past six years, with no real relief at all.

Upping the dosage, lowering the dosage, changing the times of when I took the pill, and nothing helped. The anxiety was still there, but two weeks of taking fish oil, I miraculously notice a difference. I’m going to see my doctor next week and talk to him about getting off the Klonopin permanently, or at least for the time being.

The anxiety might be gone, but the tics and the OCD are still there.

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52 Weeks of TS: Week 42

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just 10 weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

Welcome to the wonderful world of TS, a world that brings on strange and mysterious underlying disorders. Additions to our state of mind that we might never expect, this week is depression. I don’t suffer from this much, but when I do, it hits me like a brick wall. Earlier this week that brick wall hit me out of nowhere.

It was a normal day, and by 5:00 pm, I felt the brick wall of depression crumbling around me. I ask myself, “why?” I have been working so hard to try to make changes to better my life. I just released a book, that I hope will help people all over, I changed jobs to get out of the negativity and immaturity of the previous job setting, but still the depression finds its way inside me.

On this night, I sat there and watched mindless TV with my husband, but I just sat there in a funk. The whole night I was on the verge of tears, but there was no explanation for it. My husband asked me a few times why I was so crabby, in which I responded, “I’m not crabby.” I couldn’t tell him that I was depressed, and had feelings of just not wanting to be here anymore. If I had said those words, he would have just asked why I was depressed.

How do you explain to someone that you have no idea why you’re going through this, but to link it back to this TS thing I have. We finally did go to bed and he still pushed me for an answer as to why I was acting so weird. As I sat there in the darkness of our room, the tears quietly rolled down and I still said nothing was wrong. By this point, he knew something was up, but I was still unable to explain it.

It scares me sometimes, because I don’t want to scare him. Maybe it’s the OCD inside me, but all I could think of is what was he thinking, “Did he think something is wrong with our relationship?” No, that’s not it. I don’t know why I am this way. It’s somewhat funny, ironically half way through the night he showed me an article about the creativity in writers with mental illness. As we laid there, he asked me if what I was going through had anything to do with that article. I told him, “No, ironically it started before I even read the article.”

The little bout of depression lasted just a couple days, as it always does. In the midst of my depression, I did have my acupuncture appointment. The anxiety and fear built up as the appointment approached. I actually tried to come up with excuses to cancel the appointment, but sucked up my fear and went to the appointment.

The appointment started with an interview about my medical history. I filled out a form checking off all my medical history. One of the things I did check off was depression. When the acupuncturist came back in the room, and looked over my form, she started asking about everything I checked off. When she asked about the depression I told her I go through it once a year for a couple days, and before I could even finished the sentence I burst into tears.

For no reason, I was sitting there crying in front of a woman I had known for about five minutes, how embarrassing… She said not to worry about it. I told her besides the depression I was also dealing with many OCD issues and increased anxiety about being there and having acupuncture. In actuality, it was not that bad. A few light pokes from clean, unused needles and I was quite relaxed.

I have to go back next week and do the acupuncture again, I think it might be a once a week thing. We’ll see how well it works with the tics and anxiety. I did tell her that I was on a new regimen of multivitamins, fish oil, and that I felt that it was working on my anxiety. She explained that fish oil could help with anxiety. I do have to say, I really feel like the fish oil has been helping. I usually have such horrible anxiety about leaving my apartment and getting on the subway, but now it’s not that bad of an event. There is still a little anxiety, but the level has dropped dramatically.

I hate talking about going to the bathroom, but I have discussed this a few times in the past weeks. Since the event back in august at the airport, I’ve been really trying to pay attention to my bathroom behavior. I have notice I actually do tic more during and after going to the bathroom. It’s one more strange realization, but it does put me into a small tic attack.

It’s a funny thing that we can walk through life but if we’re not paying attention, we might not realize certain things about ourselves. How are we supposed to educate others about a disorder that we have, if we don’t even know ourselves? This year has been a great year, and I have learned so much about my body, and my unwelcomed guests Tourette Syndrome, OCD, anxiety disorder, etc.

I’m glad I’m learning more about myself, and am now able to educate people about what I’m going through. Before coming out of the so-called, “TS closet”, I was uneducated about what I was going through. However, through research, asking questions, educating myself, and just looking into myself, I feel like I know my body more than ever.

While I was in the “TS closet”, I spent much of my time blaming others. I have stopped blaming others now. We can’t blame the world for our problems. We are the solution. If we educate ourselves, we can educate others. I think that we all will have to deal with experiences of ignorance, and all we can do is open our mouths and try to educate. If they are unwilling to learn, that is their own ignorance. We just have to remember that we are the solution.

Until next week, “I’ll tic to you later.”

52 Weeks of TS: Week 40

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. With just 12 weeks remaining in this series, there’s a chance you missed one more entries from his exciting, revealing journey. You can read all of them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

How closely is addiction to OCD? I guess it depends on the type of OCD you have. As I’ve said before, my OCD revolve mostly around germs and organization. With my OCDs I have created little addictions. I’m addicted to cleaning, addicted to the use of hand sanitizer, and a bad addiction I have developed, is a shopping and couponing addiction. I guess there are worse things to be addicted to, but it still has its effects on my life.

I could spend hours a day, organizing my couponing, and coordinating my next shopping excursion. You might think, what is wrong with shopping, especially if you have coupons? But I think there are times I go overboard. I only buy something if it’s on sale, and I have a coupon. It’s even better if I also receive a bonus store credit.

This week I went on my little shopping spree, I spent almost $700, saved about $300 on sales, $150 in coupons, and received a store credit of $150 to use on my next purchase. So all together, I spent about $100, but when I got home and looked at all the items, I just purchased and wondered how this tied in with my OCD. I sat there and looked at my stockpile. Do I really have a need for what’s in my stockpile?

  1. 11 jars of jelly
  2. 20 cans of Pringles
  3. 9 boxes of granola bars
  4. 10 boxes of dryer sheets
  5. 14 bottles of laundry detergent
  6. 5- 12 packs of paper towels
  7. 16 boxes of tissue
  8. 21 bottles of hand sanitizer
  9. 13 tubes of toothpaste
  10. 8 bottles of mouthwash
  11. 14 bottles of Nyquil
  12. 16 sticks of deodorant
  13. 13 bottles of shampoo
  14. 10 bottles of conditioner
  15. 19 bottles of body wash

This is just the half of it. The list goes on. Is this too much? Is this ridiculous? I think maybe a little.

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52 Weeks of TS: Week 39

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. In cased you missed any of the first 38 weeks, you can read them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

Where is the bubble boy?! I am sick once again. Now I’ve just spent the whole week feeling miserable and obsessing on who and how I got sick. Ironically, before I got sick, I was able to use my extreme couponing abilities and I bought twenty bottles of hand sanitizer for 50 cents each. Even with the sanitizer, I still got sick, but at least I can keep bubble boy fully equipped.

Truthfully, if bubble boy did actually exist, I’d get more stares from walking around in a big bubble holding hand sanitizer and Lysol than I would for just my tics. Here we go, back into thoughts of agoraphobia, I will just never leave my house. Yet another impossible option.

How is it actually possible to be agoraphobic, when you live in NYC, you have to go to work, and you’re the person who runs the social group for the TSA-NYC? I guess what I really need to do is work on my anxiety. I know my anxiety is taking a toll on my immune system, but I’m at a point that I’m not sure what to do. I know there are things in my life that I should rid myself of, I can rid myself of some anxiety, but most of the causes of my anxiety I think I’m stuck with.

Speaking of the TSA-NYC social events, we had our Social Hour this past week. We have this the last week of every month, and I love it. It is a time to hang out with other people with TS in our area, but this week I really realized how hanging out with other people with TS really triggers my tics. I guess the alcohol doesn’t help, but even without the alcohol, I still am triggered.

For the most part, I can usually control my tics to a point, but while with other ticcers, I don’t. I’m not sure if it’s the comfort of being around people who understand what I’m going through, or just the increased social anxiety. This week I was actually embarrassed by my tics. When I’m out with them, my coprolalia comes out. Usually I can hide this in a whisper, but I was just screaming out my special words, especially if I hear the words.

That’s one of the problems, there are a couple of friends who know my tic words and they will say them, then I just scream them out. We all laugh jokingly, but the next morning I had such a feeling of shame. It’s not fun to be out at a crowded bar screaming out “peanut butter f—er” or “Hey.”

The “hey” tic isn’t that bad. That one I let out a lot throughout the day, but most people just think it’s a conversation starter. I do try to suppress this one until the right moment. I can easily walk into work, an elevator, or a room full of friends, and do the “hey” tic without anyone knowing it was just a tic. It’s one of those subtle ways I let my tics out without people knowing it’s a tic. While I talk, I can easily do my throat-clearing tic without people knowing it was a tic. I also move my shoulders and arms around a lot while talking to someone and people think I’m just very theatrical while I talk.

I do have to say, besides being sick, it was a semi-calm week. I’m glad to be back in the comfort of my own home, and back into my ritualistic daily. I know my ritualistic life can actually cause me more stress. It takes a lot out of you to wake up and do the same thing every day, the same way every day.

Right now, I’m feeling the need for change in my life. Change to reduce the amount of stress and anxiety that I go through in my day-to-day life. I think in this upcoming week, I’m going to take moves to change. I’m starting a new, reduced work schedule, which I hope will help with my anxiety. I think with my extra day off, that I’m going to look into a vitamin regimen, try to talk to a Chinese herbalist, and maybe discuss the possible outcomes of acupuncture.

I’m not saying I will actually get acupuncture, but it’s not going to hurt to discuss it with a professional. I have discussed this option a few times over the past many weeks, but never had the nerve to go through with it. My OCD just takes control, and I start thinking about where those needles have been before they are put into my body. I know that they have been sterilized, but still, they have been in someone else’s body. Ewwww!

Who knows, maybe it’s the season, or maybe I’m reflecting on all the brave kids at camp last week, but I think my life can be a lot more manageable than it is right now. Am I letting my TS control me, or am I controlling my TS? It’s a question that’s been racking my brain, or a question that I’m obsessing about. I can write and talk about what’s going on in my mind and body every week, but unless I do something about it, I’m not going to change it. I always say, “We have to open our mouths.”

We need to educate others about the realities of TS, but education starts with us. We also need to educate ourselves more about our own TS. I say I’m open about my TS, but I think the truth is there is still a small boy suffering inside me, the young Troye suffering and hiding. In these upcoming weeks that we near the end of my “52 Weeks of TS,” I’m going to work on changing myself, educating myself, and stop hiding.

Until next week, “I’ll tic to you later.”

52 Weeks of TS: Week 21

EDITOR’S NOTE: Every Tuesday, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers shares his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. In cased you missed any of the first 20 weeks, you can read them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

Have you ever tried to do something that you know is just stupid? We all have done something in our lifetime that we ask ourselves, “Why did I just do that”? Well I did that this week.

I have spoken to many other people with TS and what has helped them in the past. Now I’m not suggesting that anyone attempts to self-medicate or try any path that is not suggested by their doctor, but I have talked to a few people that have said that marijuana has helped them.

I smoked marijuana when I was younger — much younger — and remember it did not work well with me. Having anxiety disorder, smoking just made me crazy, but I thought maybe that I would give it a try again. Our bodies change over the years, and I thought there’d be no harm in trying. Wrong thought!!

Not that it harmed me, but I took the smallest hit a person could take, not even holding it in. I took a hit as if I was smoking a cigarette, in and out. Then next five hours were a roller-coaster of fear, anxiety, paranoia, and major ticcing, or major suppression of those tics.

As I said, I never suggest that anyone tries something that is not suggested by their doctor, especially something as trying, or purchasing illegal drugs. This might help some people and maybe one day the government will legalize marijuana for medicinal purposes, and that’s the only time anyone should attempt to use this for their TS — under a doctor’s supervision. Some things work for some people, but this was not one for me.

Speaking of attempts to find something to help our TS, I spoke last week about a study that there is an enzyme in yogurt that is rumored to help calm down our tics. I did another self-study this week and had a yogurt every morning to see if I noticed any difference. I eat yogurt all the time, but I have eaten it in a while and when I did, I never really paid attention to my tics or lack of tics.

This week I did, I ate a yogurt every morning and honestly didn’t really see a difference. Maybe this is one of those things that it takes time, but once again, I have found another thing that did not work.

This week has been a little hard for me.

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52 Weeks of TS: Week 5

EDITOR’S NOTE: On Tuesdays over the next year, noted Tourette Syndrome advocate Troye Evers will share his “52 Weeks of TS” blog journal with the TSParentsOnline community. In cased you missed the first four weeks, you can read them here. For more information about Troye, please click on his name or visit his website.

Anxiety is an evil beast living inside me, taking up residence and using my body like an apartment building. It’s living in apartment 3-B, right next to OCD and ADD. I never said that they could move in, in fact they never even signed a lease. Sometimes I wish I could evict them, but if they never moved in what would you be reading right now.

Every Sunday I reflect on my past week, and every Sunday I’m amazed at all the activities and experiences that have occurred. This week has been quite an interesting one to say the least. Monday I had my physical for my life insurance policy. Now this was not a normal physical where you go to the doctor’s office, the doctor actually came to my house. At first I thought, wow, this is convenient. OH NO! I did not take into consideration that he was going to be taking my blood and need a urine sample.

Oh yeah, I had to urinate in a cup in my bathroom and transfer it into two test tubes. I gave him the test tubes and watched him put the test tubes on my dining room table. He then proceeded to take my blood. Yep, I sat at my dining room table as this stranger took my bodily fluids. I sat there and just stared at these vials of blood and urine on my dining room table. I just silently screamed in terror and disgust. I spent the rest of the day cleaning my table, and bathroom. (Excuse me while I go antibacterial my hands).

That night, was not the best night’s sleep. I don’t normally tic when I’m asleep, but there have been occasions when I tic in a dream and actually tic in reality and wake myself up. I did this that night, and despite the fact that I had just went to sleep two hours prior, I couldn’t get back to sleep.

My OCD just started going in over drive. My brain went into full gear, and it didn’t help that my husband was snoring next to me. It’s been thirteen years with my husband, and his nightly snoring. I’ve pushed him, rolled him over and took his pillows away, but he still does it. I’ve considered earplugs, but then my OCD goes on a tangent.

What happens if I have the earplugs in and there’s an emergency in the building like a fire? I won’t be able to hear them pounding on the door, and my husband sleeps through everything. So in other words, earplugs equal death. My tics start about fifteen minutes after I wake up, so after about a half hour sitting in bed, my brain is racing, husband snoring, and tics a ticcing, I got up and went to the living room to watch the brilliant TV programming that is on at two in the morning.

On an exciting note, I have made an appointment with a TS specialist at Columbia University.

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