I Don’t Know

As parents how many times a day do we hear, “I don’t know”?

“I don’t know why I don’t write down my assignments.”

“I don’t know why I didn’t turn in my assignment.”

“I don’t know where I put my water bottles.”

“I don’t know where I put my assignment.”

If I had a penny for each “I don’t know,” I would be rich. At first I took it as if my child wasn’t trying hard enough, so my response, my irritated response would always be some version of, “why don’t you know?”  I then became the teacher in Charlie Brown, “Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha!”  This did nothing for him or for me.  I had read all of the books, attended the webinars, but when you hear the, “I don’t know…” for the ten thousandth time, for me it wasn’t that he could not remember what he could not find, it was, it “is” the fear that engulfs me  for my son’s future.  This seemingly small, “I don’t know,” is bigger than those word three words. As a parent with a child with TS, most times things are not “just” small.

So, I made a choice to change how I operate, how I approach his “I don’t knows.”  It was time to put what I learned into practice.  I would love to say, the frustration is gone, but as quickly as it comes to mind, it disappears and we figure out what broke down.  My son and I say the following to each other all the time, “The definition of insanity is to keep ‘consciously’ doing the same thing over and over expecting the result we really desire.”  So the key is to find where the breakdown is.  The “fool’s gold” in all of this is that it is easy.  We have come up with systems that work for a while, and stop working.  The investigation begins, why is it no longer working?  Where is the breakdown?  What happened?  Did it ever work, or was that fool’s gold?  However, the light is when you and your child/teen finally find an answer to just one of the, “I don’t knows”, and it sticks and works, is worth it all.

Now, when it comes to the “Teen” “I don’t knows”  I still don’t know what to do about that!!!

 

“Ducks” and the beginning of our TS journey

When I first suspected and began to research TS I said to myself, okay, okay it will be alright. I am the type of person who will research, read, research, and read whatever I can on any challenge that affects my life. I need to know everything about it so that I can make informed choices. Although I had suspected TS, it was till a bombshell that had exploded, however, I kept moving on for every detail I could find about TS. I was given so much help during this time from the neurologist, PATSA, blogs, books, and movies. The book that I still refer to is “Against Medical Advice,” by James Patterson and Hal Friedman, and the Hallmark movie, “Head of the Class.” These and more helped me so much in the beginning and to this day. I want to be able to help other parents, especially new parents, to know that TS is not a death sentence. It is the beginning of a journey we begin for our children by learning about TS, and the tools they need to be successful, and eventually transfer the reins to them.

My son has TS. We talk about TS as if it is a “Person” or “Entity.” When he was younger, I wanted to identify TS not as something bad, but to get him to understand what he could and could not do in order to control TS as much as possible. One of the other things we do is call his tics “Ducks.” I will say, I think I see a “duck.” Sometimes he will agree, or not. We will go through this a few more times maybe over a week or two, until I say nope, I was wrong, or he realizes that there is really a “duck” roaming around. At that point we will discuss if Competing Responses are necessary, or if he just has to make note of it. We have come a long way from the beginning when we first found out about his diagnoses. He has come a long way, and I am so proud of him. He was accepted and attended the Tim Howard Leadership Academy last summer, and he said on the ride home, “Mom I heard about kids with TS but I never saw any, and I felt like home for the first time.” What more can a mother ask for from her child.