I sit here on a Sunday observing my daughter from afar. She is working on decorating a cake for one of her art classes and the project is due tomorrow. My heart aches as I watch her because her tics are being a great nuisance to her today. It makes it so difficult for her to create manual little sculptures to put on top of her cake with all the hand and torso tics she is experiencing.
What drives me crazy, though, is the fact that one of the reasons her tics are so out of control is because she is stressed. And she is stressed because like always — or almost always — she leaves her work for the last minute.
I have a constant battle with my D. Our battle consists of her not being able to prioritize. She believes there is no problem with the manner in which she handles her school work — or anything else in life, for that manner. This is the ADD part of her diagnosis. This is a greater issue, I believe, than her tics — even though when the tics are like today, I don’t know which is worse.
I constantly tell her she will not be able to completely succeed in life if she does not start scheduling her tasks accordingly and give herself the time needed to complete them and not have to stress herself out. I swear sometimes I think she does it just to spite me because I live my life stressed out trying to ensure she does everything that she needs to.
My daughter is very stubborn and very set in her ways. We have been in counseling throughout her life. Currently we see a psychologist every two weeks. Her doctor tells me that I need to let go of some of this stress I put on myself. She insists that if I do not let my daughter fail or come close to failing, then she will not see the need to change her ways.
As a mother, this is advice I have not been able to follow. During her senior year, I couldn’t because I needed to ensure her grades stayed high so that she would qualify for a scholarship ,and now I can’t let her fail or come close because she needs to maintain a certain GPA to maintain the scholarship.
There are days when I say to myself, “Look it all worked out. You stressed over nothing, but the reality is it is not over nothing.” I know I will not always be there to guide her to ensure she succeeds. At some point, she will need to do this on her own. I just don’t know when the time will come that I will be able to do this.