Teen Arts

Today was a great day. I have been feeling so down lately, but today was a great day.
Our school has a special day called Teen Arts once a year. We submit artworks, writings, and listen to people play music. It is a special day where our school artists get to share our experiences; a day where our artists share their passion. Last year was my first year at Teen arts. I shared a piece about my Tourette’s and what life was like living with it. This year, I shared (another) personal essay; mostly about accepting my TS, my complicated relationship with my mom and sister, and my manic depression. To be honest, I wasn’t confident with this piece. It was something I wrote when I was feeling very emotional and inspired, but I hadn’t planned on reading it.

Our bus came late, so we only had twenty minutes to share our creative writing pieces. After a girl a grade lower shared her amazing short story, we had five. Then, when my favorite teacher requested me to read my writing, I was ready. I spent three days thinking of this moment. It sounds too dramatic, but it’s true. I was about share a part of me no one knew. I took a deep breath and read. I stammered, a bit, but it felt like being freed from a cage. When I looked up, I saw my teachers looking at me; not crying, like last year, but smiling. As if they were proud. On the other hand, I did make some of my friends cry. (My good friend who hates crying, cried. It was a little funny, because we hugged–which she hates doing, tooso many times, and started laughing as she continued to cry while doing so.) They came up to me and hugged me for thirty minutes, and I couldn’t have been more appreciative of them. They couldn’t fully understand what I was going through, but they were there for me-and that meant something.

Having Tourette Syndrome and depression is hard. But it helped me realize how much my father tried to make me happy; how supportive the people around me are, and of course it helps me grow stronger every day. Even in difficult times, my mental illness helps me realize my mistakes and become a better person. Today, I felt happiness shine on my friends and I as we pranced under the sun. Through tears and smiles, we walked together.

Our differences make us who we are

While growing up in two different places, I never really stood out in the crowd. I was just normal, in a good way I suppose, and I didn’t think much of it. Although I feared new environments due to my shyness, I was soon in America by the age of three. I spent five full and fun years and went back to Korea. As I recall I was very organized, did all my work, and focused perfectly well. Those were probably the few reasons why I didn’t expect myself to be in the position that I was, and still am now. I don’t think that I will forget the three years of my Tourette Syndrome experiences.

To begin with, I had never even heard of the word Tourette’s before I started to have tics. I don’t remember when it first started. I don’t think you can have tics, the constant movements or noises I make, all of a sudden. It might have happened slowly, but it also could have been rushed through, too. One thing I clearly remember is the time my mom and dad told me we were going to the doctor’s when I was eleven years old. They weren’t very specific, but I already suspected it was because of my head-shaking and eye-rolling. “But why?” I asked. When my dad answered the question, I started to yell that I would not go. That I was not mentally ill. But I had to, and I did. After waiting for an hour and half, (it was a very good and big hospital) and within minutes I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. It was too much information that I did not understand at that point.

Although this post is not going to be purposely overly depressing, the first years were probably the hardest. It was when the truth hit me hard. My condition was worse than right now. Then, I had to accept the fact that I was “different.” Every time I looked around, I saw people. People just sitting, writing, laughing, playing. All doing so while staying still. But me? Why couldn’t I do the same? My Tourette Syndrome medicines increased to a high dose, and I started receiving antidepressants. I would have to answer the embarrassing question whenever I met someone: “Why do you do that?” There were a few times when some disturbing boys just had to imitate me, and I would get very emotional at those times. I would cry. I was never the one in control when it came to my tics. I was insecure enough―and I didn’t need them to point out the facts for me. And some days it was kind of annoying and depressing, unfair and just sad. For so many reasons, really. I hated when people who I didn’t even know stared at me as if I were strange, abnormal. I didn’t like how someone would judge me before they would even get to know me. It was inevitable, though. People would see my Tourette’s before they would see me. I didn’t like it.

Whenever I would share these kind of moments to adults, my doctor, parents, I felt like they would never fully, completely understand. I would spill the words out from my heart sometimes, but some days I would seal my mouth shut. I could never share these experiences to any of my Tourette’s-inexperienced friends, not even to my closest ones. They would never really get it. Even now, I’ve never really talked to them about it other than tell them about it. I knew that everyone was always there for me. But in a way, they weren’t because they would never truly know how it feels.

I sometimes admit that I think I have had a lot to benefit from having Tourette Syndrome. For example, I see more in people than I had before. I know what it’s like to be depressed. I understand how hard it is to be so hateful toward your own self. I know how sometimes, you don’t want to get out of bed; you just want to sleep forever. I also know that I’m no different than others. Our differences make us who we are.

But if you’re thinking having Tourette’s isn’t painful, or maybe not that bad let me tell you that you won’t want to have it. People stare. Your neck will hurt, and you’ll pretend to roll your neck naturally in school—oh, I’m just stretching—afraid people will notice. Anyone can use it against you; from petty girls to “Everyone likes me so I’m a good person” type of boys. It can be genetic, but in my case none of my parents had it. I could make a list of reasons why I don’t want it. When I look back at the past, I was a very sad third-grader. I was always stressed. I was this normal, popular girl in America, and when I came to Korea, I suddenly had these stupid, severe tics. I mostly cried everyday, and screamed a lot, too. I continued to read a lot. I only enjoyed reading English books, and it was one of my few remedies. I had only a few girl friends. Most of my friends were boys. I didn’t care though, until I got to fourth grade.

It was the first day of school in fourth grade, and as soon as I walked into the classroom, I was screwed. First of all, my tics were in bad condition. Especially my vocal tics, which are the sound tics. Second, I barely knew anyone in the classroom. ‘Forget good first impressions,’ I thought to myself. Almost everyone knew each other, which was very awkward for me. When I got to my seat I waited until my teacher came and until everyone was in the classroom. I still remember this, and I almost died of embarrassment, but I kept on clearing my throat. A boy, who was the most popular boy in our class later on, suddenly called out, “Who’s making that weird sound?” At the time no one knew except for me. Later on, everyone probably figured it out. It did not stop the girls from staring or constantly asking me why I was doing it or what I was doing.

I have recently watched a video called “I Have Tourette’s but Tourette’s Doesn’t Have Me.” I saw some things I already knew, one of them was there is at least one child with Tourette’s in every school in the U.S. It was one of those facts that I had to remind myself. In the video, I saw children between the ages of six to thirteen with Tourette’s. I found myself relating to them, especially a boy named Seth and a girl named Anna. When I heard her talking about seeking true friends, I ached because I remembered how bad I longed for a true friend for years. I cried while seeing Anna pounding her stomach, seeing her cry, scream, and talk. I cried because I saw myself. I cried because I felt her pain.

Even today, I am sensitive about my Tourette’s. I think it’s because knowing that I’m no different, and feeling like it are two different things. However, I am more truthful about it now. I have told a few of my friends what I have, because I think it is wise to. My doctor, thinks that I should tell my friends, too. I don’t think I’ll have to lie about it again. I am not embarrassed anymore. I previously had one incident, caused by my Tourette’s last year. It made me feel so many emotions at once and I quickly burst into tears. I don’t want to cry for something that is not even worthy of my tears. It’s been done too many times. I know my tics aren’t going to suddenly go away. I don’t expect them to. I know it takes time. I don’t have any stress or depression. I think the stress was one of the harder stages. I will continue to find my way, and the more I do, I think the more I will accept my Tourette Syndrome.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “That’s Life”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

TommyL

When I was twelve years old, I was sitting in the lunch room, and in an instant, the school went into lockdown. For most students this is not a serious issue. They stay quiet and out of sight. For me, lockdowns are a challenge because I have Tourette Syndrome (TS), a disorder characterized by involuntary movements and sounds called tics. While the rest of the cafeteria was quiet, I couldn’t help but involuntarily yelp and twitch my neck. It felt as though the eyes of the world were glaring at me with their ears wide open to the noises I was making. I was not expecting the comment that would hurt worse than the constant staring and whispers from that school year. This unlikely offender was a quiet, but kind person who sat in front of me and asked, “Why are you doing that? What’s wrong with you? Someone should put you in a cage or something!” It was at that moment that I knew that I had to speak out about Tourette Syndrome and advocate for myself.

About a month later, a person from the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome and
Associated Disorders, Inc., came to my school and educated my peers about TS. During both presentations I stood up and stated that I had TS and I deserved respect. Through speaking out at the presentation, I became more confident and unafraid to say I have TS. In a span of six months, I went from being bullied, and afraid to feeling confident and free to be me. I learned through that entire experience that I wanted to be the one up in front of a crowd helping kids with TS come out of their shells. I later became a National Youth Ambassador and Patient Educator for Tourette Syndrome. I continued on to speak at schools, hospitals, and universities. My most rewarding experiences were when I spoke to children with TS and their peers.

Out of the adversity I have faced, I have learned to be resilient. I have developed thick
skin that has made every comment and stare bounce right off. I have learned to get back up after each defeat and push through to every victory. Throughout every tough event in life, I have turned to music to get through them. It is a known phenomenon that people with TS don’t tic while performing. Music is the reason that I wake up at 5:00 every morning to be at my before school choir class. Throughout my life I have had two passions: music and Tourette Syndrome. It is my hope to combine them into a career in music therapy. I hope to do research to figure out the correlation between the reprieve from tics and music in Tourette Syndrome patients. Hopefully, one day I will come up with a viable way to treat people with TS through music.

Through my past experiences I have learned to see each challenge as a gift. If I didn’t go through what I have in life, I wouldn’t be me or have done half the things I’ve accomplished over the years. My past experiences are what made me who I am today, and I wouldn’t change any part of them. They are what gave me the drive to be successful and create a positive change in the world. I will meet each new challenge and goal with the same intensity. I will continue to be resilient, because no matter what I do in life there will be staring, comments, and people who say I won’t succeed. If there is one thing I have learned, it is that people say many things, but they aren’t always right. Someday I will be living proof that nothing, and no one, will stop me from accomplishing my goals in life.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “The Same Kind of Different as Normal”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Rose P.

“All the world is full of suffering. It is all so full of overcoming.” – Helen Keller.

We never think of the simple tasks we do from day to day like getting dressed, making our bed in the morning, even just writing our name on a piece of paper as difficult. These are things that normal people take for granted, but in second grade these were my biggest struggles. I was constantly losing control of my body and then gaining it back just as fast. It’s a misunderstood neurological disorder called Tourette Syndrome.

As a child I didn’t understand what was happening, why I had changed and became so different from my classmates. Why I could no longer be just as normal as they were? I could still run, jump and play. I was constantly exhausted because even when I tried to sit still, my body was in constant motion. I often had to be sent home because I was unable to sit in my chair at school when my tics became too severe. Every day I would go to bed with the desire to be “normal.” Every morning I would wake up with the hope that one day my tics would go away. The only thing was, it never happened. Through it all I began to admire Helen Keller for how she lived her life and had been able to overcome being both deaf and blind and still learned to speak and go to college. I knew that if she could overcome her differences so could I. That one day I would be able to beat my Tourette Syndrome.

Even today I may struggle doing things when I have a day with more tics than usual. I have never let my Tourette Syndrome get in the way of what I want to do in school and in life. I am able to dance, perform in plays and compete both in swimming and on my school academic team. I have come to learn and accept that being different is being normal for me. The word normal can only be defined by how you see yourself and shouldn’t be defined by how others see you. I feel that because I am not as normal as others, I am able to understand people from a different point of view. I can better understand what people go through medically and emotionally when they are unsure of what may happen next. I have also wanted to help people my entire life. As a first grader, my dream job wasn’t to be an actress or movie star like other kids my age; I wanted to be a scientist and work at St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital to help cancer patients. I didn’t even know what cancer was, but I wanted to find out and make a difference. Now, my dream job is to be a nurse at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Tourettes has never stopped me from following my dreams before, and I don’t feel that it will stop me now, either. I was able to overcome many things as a child; I still do every day of my life. Being a nurse will allow me to help the children who may be going through their hardest life challenges, whether they have cancer, or another disease or disorder. I will not only be able to help them medically, but I will be able to show them that if you are determined enough to do something, anything is possible. Just because you have a disability or disorder doesn’t mean you have to live your life as such. We all determine our own destinies in life, for me that’s beating Tourette Syndrome and becoming a nurse. Normal and different is only what you make of it. It doesn’t matter how others see you. You are your own kind of normal and that’s the best kind there is.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Tourette Syndrome and its Lasting Impact on Me”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest. 

Daniel O.

I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome at 6 years old. I was very scared when I first found out I had some rare disease but my mom made me feel better about the condition that I had because she would educate me about why my body was doing the things it was doing. I started to become more aware of my tics, later on in my diagnosis I found out about some specific learning disabilities I had, and began to develop anxiety issues.

Tics have waxed and waned my whole life but thankfully for me, my tics weren’t as noticeable compared to some other children who had Tourette Syndrome growing up. Thanks to this, I was never really subject to bullying. However, the types of tics that I had such as shoulder shrugs, rapid blinking, joint popping, and muscle flexing takes a toll on my body and can leave my back in pain on days where I tic a lot. Recently I’ve learned to cope with these tics and use conditioned response therapy to help relieve them.

I am fluent in many subjects that don’t require much math skill such as language arts, woodshop, and many other fields. I’m a creative person but I feel as if I my creativity and knowledge capacity is limited due to my learning disabilities involving math. It is hard for me to stay focused on a math problem and when doing many math problems I become anxious and overwhelmed. Learning math is hard for me as well because I will learn about certain types of problems or theories and we’ll just barely grasp it. When we move on to different theories, I sometimes forget what I learned before making it more difficult to learn new problems. I’m lucky enough to have a tutor in my school who I am close with who helps me when I struggle with math.

Not until quite recently have I become aware of my anxiety issues. I tend to get overworked on things and tasks that many people find normal, but my brain blows it out of proportion. This can cause me to rethink a lot of decisions I make as well as a sense of self-doubt. This ties in with my learning disabilities and can aggravate my tics.

Tourette Syndrome will always have a lasting impact on me, when I go to college, when I get married, and when I have kids. My tics will still be there, my learning disabilities will be there, and my anxiety will be there as well. I need as much support as possible getting into college so I may become successful and independent so one day I can get married and have kids.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Life’s a Twitch”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Anna B.

One of my all time favorite quotes is by Scott Hamilton, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” From my own experience, I can honestly say this is very true. Life with Tourette is very unpredictable and sometimes you just have to learn to roll with the punches. I am not always the best at this, according to my parents my attitude is, “less than awesome.” At least it used to be, with age and acceptance it has improved tremendously.  

As a twelve year old who’s tics were becoming more obvious by the day, I decided to make a difference. I wasn’t going to let my so called ‘disability’ hold me back. I knew without explaining myself the kids at school were going to make fun of me because they didn’t understand. That’s why I did research and wrote my own speech to present. If the kids are uneducated and pick on me it’s just because they don’t understand, but if they understand and still are unwilling to accept me then that’s their problem. I gave my very first speech to my class in the sixth grade which coincidentally was also the day I got my diagnoses. All the positive reactions empowered me. During my research I came across the National Tourette Syndrome Association’s Youth Ambassador Training program in Washington, DC, and the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome (NJCTS). I was trained to be an advocate for TS and given a presentation to use in schools. I began presenting professionally to small classrooms but it wasn’t until I became involved with NJCTS that I really began making a difference. I attended the first patient center education training and another training on how to present in classrooms. My sophomore year of high school I spoke to around 50 doctors and other medical professionals about Tourette. Every presentation I did gave me a little boost of confidence, which for a shy kid was life changing.

Though my transition through it all seemed like smooth sailing was far from it. To put it gently, freshman year I was a hot mess. I had developed coprolalia and let it get the better of me. My bad attitude really was crippling. I focused on what was going wrong instead of focusing on how I could use it to my advantage. [NJCTS Family Retreat Weekend at] Camp Bernie changed that for me. I made amazing friends who I am actually talking to as a write this four years later. Hearing their experiences and sharing coping techniques was huge for me. Being in a place where my differences were not only accepted, but embraced as well, was utterly life changing. Steven, a teacher who also struggles with coprolalia, made me realize that even if I didn’t improve I could still be successful and teach special education as well. Once I was able to come to terms with my Tourette I was able to help others do the same.  

Now I am a happy, successful, eighteen year old pursuing my dreams and doing my best to empower those around me to do the same. My favorite example of this was a presentation I did a few years back. A third boy was being bullied for his TS so I did a presentation at his school. After the presentation, he came up to me and said, “Thank you, I think I’m going to have friends now.” It all starts with a good attitude and self acceptance.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “What It’s Like to Be Me”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

Rachel M.

I have Tourette but Tourette does not have me. I have told myself this from day one, when I was diagnosed at 5 years old with Tourette Syndrome. It is a part of me and I let it help describe what kind of person I am. I feel like I am stronger because I have had to deal with this; more aware that I have seen other people just like me and some even worse; smarter because I now know how to deal with my disorder and how to figure out my goals. There are times when it gets rough but I learn from those times; how to handle my body differently; how to distract myself so I do not hurt myself; how to advocate for myself and how to make up work quickly at school; how to calm myself down. Things that help with my tics, are things like, petting an animal, crafting something (like a wreath), playing games on my phone, playing on my laptop, hanging with my friends, getting a hug, and just concentrating on something for a while. Since there is no specific medicine to cure Tourette, it has been experiments from day one. Try this, and try that. It gets frustrating when things do not work and it is relieving when medicines decide to help. And sometimes, the side effects from the medicine were not worth it. It was actually better to be ticcing than to be on a medicine that made me gain tons of weight, or have changes in my hormones, or get a huge permanent birthmark. From first grade through middle school, I would stand in front of my class and advocate for myself; telling my classmates about my disorder. I loved hearing when they had questions. It showed that they wanted to understand more about my condition and more about me. There were some kids that were not so nice, but everyone has those kids, regardless of if you have a disorder or not. I just kept myself away from those kids and kept moving forward. In high school, all the bullying magically stopped. It was probably because I completely switched school districts. But, I do have to admit that there were times where those kids got to me; made me wonder why I was not born “normal”. But in reality, there is no normal. You can be, whoever you want to be in life. I learned not to be the person that everyone wants you to be, but be the person that you want to be. Be a person that satisfies you. Do not let anyone stand in your way just because you have a disorder or you have acne, or you are not as smart as some of the other kids. That is just you. You are special in your own way. I have learned that throughout my years of dealing with this disorder, I cannot stop it. I could not prevent it. I was born with it. Just like people are born with blue eyes or freckles. Be who you want to be in life. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back. I am living the life I want to live. I am making something of myself. I am going to succeed. For a while, I let my tics overtake me. And I was just getting lower and lower. I did not know if they would ever let up and stop. Finally my friends told me to hold my head high again and push through. So I did. And yes it was hard. But I succeeded. Maybe I will be able to tell more people about my disorder, the older I get. Maybe I can learn to advocate for myself better so that I can create a club. Maybe I can meet more people with similar or even the same disorder and we can discuss our problems and how we overcame them.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “How Tourette Syndrome has Played a Role in My Life”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

DavidC

A major obstacle I had to overcome, and I still deal with, is having Tourette Syndrome. When I started sixth grade, my parents noticed the twitches and grunts continuously emitting from my eyes, mouth and arms, when I watched television. I knew something was wrong long before, but never said anything. I would be in class and my tics annoyed and worried classmates who sat near me. “Is that you?” they would ask. For a long time, I was self-conscious of my actions and hated how there was nothing I could do to stop it. When school got harder, the tics got worse. I also had trouble reading passages in textbooks. My eye doctor said my right eye was weaker than my left, so I had a delayed sensory. I compensated for this by re-reading passages until I understood the text. My doctor said what should have taken 30 minutes to read, would take me up to two hours. It made sense to me, because I studied for long periods of time at home, and often went for extra help before, during and after school. It wasn’t until my junior year that my parents had me classified. The designation allowed me to get extra time for tests and other support. I’m proud that despite the Tourrette, I took AP and High Honors classes and was able to maintain a 4.0 GPA throughout high school. I was able to overcome this disability with sheer will and support from my family, teachers, and friends.

Having a steady hand is crucial in a drawing, but I also know that doing something I enjoy limits the impact of my Tourettes. It’s amazing, but, when I’m drawing I never experience tics. I love to draw and I love creating art. I want to be able to work more with both of those passions and become an animator.

As a child, I loved watching cartoons. That is how my passion for animation and the arts started. I have found what I want to do and that is to become an animator for a major studio or television network and create my own cartoon series. Even with my disorder and my late start in art, I was still able to apply, and get to accepted, to three amazing art schools. They are Ringling College of Art and Design, Savannah College of Art and Design and California College of the Arts. I still have not decided yet where I would like to go, but I know the disorder will still be there. However I will be there too fighting everyday to make sure my dreams can come true and that I can achieve whatever I want. I did it before with my grades in middle school and high school, and I will do it again in college and in the future when I do become an animator. No matter where I end up, my faith makes me confident that I will find success.

 

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “The Imaginator”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

MichaelP

It was Halloween season and the teacher handed out gigantic Goosebumps posters. Without warning, they exploded into a creature made from green ooze, multiplying, contaminating, and encroaching the whole school. The creature splattered out like syrup that someone had microwaved. Its mere presence made me falter, go numb, and want to scream. Terrified and alone, I was surrounded by classmates who were now infected by a horrific parasitic slime. I hid under a desk to protect myself.

For months, this surreal episode haunted me in school every day. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder. My motor tics were both involuntary and compulsive. I also created mental compulsions in my imagination to combat anything ‘bad’ to keep me safe: First, I focused on my defense, using my mind to create an energy shield all around me. I then built up my offense: I kept billowing imaginary fire from my body to blast and obliterate the green slime until it burned up into clear smoke.

I had to be home-schooled for a year before returning to middle school. At one point, I wondered exactly how long I would live with these disorders. With the support of many people, I slowly gained better control of my tics and compulsions. I was gradually integrated academically and socially. I learned to control my ‘imagination’, to bend it to my will, and master it instead of letting it run wild. It was no longer a curse; it was a blessing. I gradually developed the ability to harness the power of my imagination to help me face my circumstances and view my world in new and unique perspectives.

When I had few friends, I created my own friends and various worlds in my mind.  These friends were different versions of me: a hero, an explorer, a swimmer – all different types of characters with their own personalities.  They shared with me their stories and aspirations. They whipped me back into shape when I needed some tough love. They reassured me it was cool to wear “socks with Crocs”, and honorable to stand up for a friend being mocked. I was determined to be an independent thinker who does not follow the masses or seek approval from my peers.

Nowadays, I rarely need to purge my fears with imaginary fire. I no longer need the crutch of my imaginary friends. My imagination has become my arsenal of inspiration. During swim races, I create vivid images of a world where water becomes air, pierced through by my wings as I fly through the air like a falcon. Other times, I become a jet fighter flying over the Pacific, touching down on an aircraft carrier. Each time I finish the race into the wall, it is like my wheels slamming upon the metal deck of the carrier as I screech to a halt. When I study Chinese characters, the lines move, forms bend, and shapes dissolve to reappear in my mind as pictograms that the characters once originated from. The pictograms become animated images. The Chinese characters literally become characters with dialogues and actions in a story.

The images and stories in my customized universe, created by my ever-active imagination, have become the source of my strength and my vision. They encourage me to overcome the impossible and inspire me to reach beyond the seeable and the thinkable. The characters and creatures are akin to my children; they are my legacy. I have a spot for every one of them in this technological age of virtual worlds and merged reality, where anything is possible in video games and digital animation. I dream of bringing them to life and turning their stories and their worlds into stunning, exciting, and unique sensory adventures.

As I reflect on my TS and OCD experience, it’s hard to believe I was that fragile kid and how far I have traveled in this journey. Through force of will and discipline, and with the support of many people, I steadily overcame my adversity. I have learned to face down my fears and stand up to negativity. I am more confident with who I am, and more compassionate towards other people’s unique situations. Since my symptoms never truly disappear, they are daily reminders to keep fighting. Working extra hard and advocating for myself, I have come to terms with who I am. I look forward to a bright future.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “How I Changed My Life”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

KyleO

KyleO

At the age of five I was diagnosed with Tourettes. This is and will forever be the biggest struggle in my life. Not only has it affected me physically, it has also affected my social life and school experience. For me I have to go through the same pain everyday and try to find ways to overcome and look towards the future. Only recently have I taken this mindset and it has improved my daily life tremendously. Through the process of finding a way to cope with my disorder I have found many activities and interests that I never thought I could enjoy. I started communicating with people and managed to find hobbies that I genuinely enjoyed. Although my life so far has been a rough road it has led me to some amazing things I never imagined I could find.

I have always been secretly fascinated about why I tic and what triggers it. I have done research and have found many interesting things. My curiosity stemmed ever since I went to a Tourette Clinic when I was young and found out more about my condition. My personal dream is to be able to help people who have the same problems as I do which is why I want to study psychology or neurology. Becoming someone who could help others through their pain and relate to them is something that I believe can be very therapeutic for both parties. I have met others who have Tourettes and it was an amazing experience not only for me but for the people I met as well. The feeling of communicating with someone who feels the same as I do is an amazing feeling that I would gladly enjoy experiencing for the rest of my life.

Not only have I found myself in this journey but I have also found others. Social anxiety and fear have always held me back from communicating with people and drastically affected my grades and school life. One of the biggest factors that led me to combat this issue was the youth group that I am involved with at my local church. I’ve grown from a socially awkward child to a truly open and outward adult because of the people and experiences that I’ve come across. My youth group has become one of my favorite things in life because I know that I have people who want to accept me for who I am. Throughout the years of being in the program I have become a leader among my peers and have begun helping with many activities and plans that the church holds. Because of my involvement in the church I have started convincing myself to talk to new people and be accepting and confident of myself. By instituting this personal rule I have began to notice a steady improvement in my grades, social life, and the quality of life overall.

My personal skills and talents have also helped me further myself in many ways. This past year I built a computer from scratch. Building and modifying computers has always been one of my hobbies and could even lead to studying computer science. Ever since I was a child electronics have fascinated me and have led me to many things such as my passion for graphic design. Not only are these activities enjoyable but they are extremely therapeutic. I really hope that I can share these experiences with others so that they can look for a brighter future as well. By using my skills and talents to overcome my condition I have shown remarkable improvements in my life and my ability to make a plan for my future.