I have this thing…

Do you know that feeling when you have something to say but you don’t know how to say it? It’s like you know the thoughts and you can feel the emotions, but you don’t know the words.

Every morning you wake up, brush your teeth, put some clothes on, eat some food, go to school or work, meet people, eat food in between, come home, do more work, eat more food, wrap up, and go to sleep only to repeat it all over again the next day, and the day after that, and so on.

And each day when you go through your routine, you think:

Nothing’s wrong

Because the fact is, you can’t put into words exactly what is wrong. It’s like you’re forgetting something.

No, not some ‘thing’, some ‘thought’

And not ‘forgetting’, more like ‘needing to know’

You don’t know what it is you’re supposed to think but it’s there in your brain. It’s an abstract, mind boggling idea churning through you like you’re in the middle of a giant city and you just. Don’t. Know.

You don’t know what you’re supposed to be doing

Or where you are supposed to be going

Or even who you’re supposed to be.

All you know is:

Where you are now.

There is something that has been plaguing me for 9 years. 9 and a half actually. It’s very real, it’s very alive, it’s something that I can’t change. And it’s taken me this long to come to terms with it.

I have this thing, which causes me to be awkward in public—not in what I say, but more in what I do.

I have this thing, which causes people to look at me weirdly—not that I’m disgusting but more like I’m crazy and mental, and not in a good way.

I have this thing which causes me to be so self conscious but at the same time in the heat of the moment I forget I have that thing until someone reminds me with just one look, one laugh, one smirk.

I have this thing…

I have tics.

No, not ticks like from deer that make you break out into rashes and look like a tomato.

According the Merriam Webster a tic is:

Full:

“Local and habitual spasmodic motion of particular muscles especially of the face. A frequent usually unconscious quirk of behavior or speech <”you know” is a verbal tic>”

Simple:

“A small repeated movement of a muscle especially in the face that cannot be controlled. A word or phrase that someone frequently says or an action that someone frequently does without intending to.”

Cannot be controlled. Without intending to. Unconscious.

People don’t see that. All people see are the spasms and the repeated movements and the frequent words or actions. All they see is what annoys them and not what the person is going through—they see the funny weird things that they don’t know about and they laugh, they imitate, they take someone’s weakness and exploit it.

Because that’s all it is…

A thing.

A thing with no cure, a thing that doesn’t go away, a thing I am stuck with for the rest of my life.

I can’t even have a conversation with someone without getting stared at. I know in the other person’s head they’re thinking, “What is that? What is she doing?” because it’s written all over their face.

What am I doing?

I want you to open your eyes, right now, and keep them open…

Still keep them open.

And open

Did you blink yet? Eventually, you will because after some time you will blink naturally. This is how I feel every day. The unexplainable need to go through with the action is, to me, as automatic as blinking is to you.

But what are these actions?

Tics are either motor or vocal. Motor tics consist of nose twitching, hair fixing, obsessive touching, face grimacing, hand stressing, and more. Vocal tics involve grunting, humming, blowing, or saying actual words, like curses. They worsen when under stressful conditions, but are also temporary until the next need arises.

Around 200,000 people in the U.S have the condition, however there is no exact number because many people are not diagnosed. Symptoms typically show in adolescent years and over time, most people improve. This condition isn’t something I just picked up from someone sneezing, its genetic, passed down through many ways but to me specifically, from my aunt.

Treatments include taking drugs that make you feel like you’re drunk.

Sometimes I want to feel like I’m drunk. When I’m all alone in my bedroom on a Friday night because no one wants to be associated with the mental girl. When I’m on my way back from the bathroom and I overhear my cousins laughing at what I was doing, imitating me.  When my parents are yelling at me to stop because they don’t understand that I can’t stop, that I don’t know how to stop. And I don’t know how to tell them, any of them, about what I have.

How do you tell someone that you have a disorder?

Sometimes I feel like I’m gay and I’m coming out of the closet, except I’m not gay and there is no actual closet… I want to scream at the world that I am in fact not crazy, that what I do is not uncommon, that just because I do weird things on the outside doesn’t mean I’m a bad person on the inside. I wish that I could make people understand what I have.

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

I miss the me that I was back then. Years ago, when we were all friends—laughing and smiling. Not worried about impressing anyone or our looks or being the best. When we were just. Us.

Now, we worry. We worry about who is dressed the best and who has the most followers on Instagram, and likes, and pictures. We worry about making that shot in basketball to impress a girl or worrying about not tripping over our heels while we are already tripping over our words to impress a guy. We worry and we worry and we worry, about being like everyone else, about fitting in, about being liked and loved, about having friends and being popular. But never do we actually take the time to think about ourselves.

Life is made up of moments. Hard fast and blinding moments and when they pass they pass only to make room for more moments. And those moments make you, You. I have a moment, a hard fast and blinding moment, where I realized I have a thing—a thing that makes me, Me.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Living with Tourettes”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

EricR

EricR

I was diagnosed with Tourette’s Syndrome at the age often. My tics were much worse when I was younger, but have started to dissipate as I have grown. The diagnosis of Tourette’s is central to my identity and matters a great deal, as it has shaped who I am and how I interact with the world.

Having Tourette’s does not define me, however, it was a pivotal player in the shaping of my early years. I started showing symptoms around the age of six. The first observable tics included humming and blinking. My family had no idea what was happening, so they took me to see multiple doctors. At first the doctors said that I had transient tics. They could not make the diagnosis of Tourette’s until I displayed both motor and vocal tics consistently for over a year. This was a problem because my tics would change constantly. I could have one or a combination of multiple tics occur simultaneously and then they would suddenly disappear for months at a time. This occurred for a number of years. Therefore, it wasn’t until the age often, that a doctor officially made the diagnosis.

Tourette’s has come to shape my personal identity in different ways over the years. I have had to learn how to deal with it every day of my life, since elementary school. When I was younger, my tics were at their worst, so I had to focus more on controlling them than on the lessons being taught at school. As a result, my parents often had to re-teach the lessons to me, and at times I also needed tutoring. Once I became a teenager my vocal tics were the most noticeable and disruptive. Fortunately, my teachers and classmates were compassionate and understanding. They knew that I had Tourette’s and that I wasn’t making strange noises on purpose. It was during this time that various medications were attempted, but they only made my tics worse and gave me bad side effects. Despite the downside of distracting me from my early education, many positive things have come out of my condition.

Having Tourette’s Syndrome has allowed me to understand myself on a deeper level. I have become more confident as I grow and adapt to my disorder. Because of the confidence I have acquired, I am a more focused and dedicated student.

As a result of this dedication, I have been on the honor roll every year since entering middle school. I also hold memberships in both the St. Thomas Aquinas Honor Society and the National Honor Society of High School Scholars. During my sophomore and junior years, I received several Outstanding Academic Achievement Awards. In addition, I have been recognized as a member of the Sapientia Sanctitas Society.

My success did not come easy. Many hours of studying and tutoring occurred throughout my elementary and high school years. I knew that if I wanted to succeed, I would need to focus and concentrate on doing well. My determination and perseverance paid off, as I have been accepted into three colleges to study architecture.

Experiencing challenges at an early age caused me to have a unique and positive perspective of the world. I see the world in a different way. I am not quick to judge other people, as I understand what it feels like to be looked at oddly. When I was younger, I used to be very introverted. Now that I am older and my tics are more manageable, I have become more extroverted. I am no longer afraid of what others will think of me and I now welcome new challenges.

Tourette’s has helped shape my personal identity as it has exposed me to diverse and challenging situations. I have become less introverted and have formed a positive opinion of the world around me because of the confidence I have gained from adapting to my disability. I look forward to experiencing new challenges and more opportunities for growth, as I continue my education as an architecture student.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “My Life with Tourette Syndrome”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

Having Tourette Syndrome has impacted my life in so many ways. It has influenced the choices I’ve made and the people I’ve met. My experience with Tourette’s has helped shape me into the person I am today. I’m not ashamed of my Tourette’s (in fact, I’m almost proud of it), and I feel that it has helped make me a better person.

I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome in the fifth grade, at the age of ten. I’ve suffered from vocal and motor tics since I was in the second grade. Neither I nor my parents understood what caused them, and my teachers and other students would often become frustrated with me. Even my own family would grow tired of my constant noise-making and movements. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. Eventually, someone told my mother to look into Tourette Syndrome. I was finally diagnosed with Tourette’s in the fall of 2008.

Instead of letting my Tourette’s drag me down, I used my diagnosis as motivation to better myself. I began taking karate lessons later the same year after my diagnosis. In eighth grade, I decided to play football. It was a rough season, but it ended up being one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Football gave me an outlet in which to channel my frustration. I was never a great athlete, but I worked hard, so by my senior year, I had earned a starting varsity spot on my high school’s football team.

In my junior year, I participated in a research study for a new Tourette’s medication. This was done at Overlook Hospital, in Summit, New Jersey, under the supervision of Dr. Roger Kurlan. The medicine worked well for me. I greatly enjoyed the opportunity to be able to possibly help others with Tourette’s.

In conclusion, Tourette Syndrome is a part of my life. My experiences with Tourette’s have greatly contributed to the person that I am today. I’m not ashamed of my Tourette’s, instead I embrace it as part of who I am. I have never let my Tourette’s drag me down, and I hope to inspire others with Tourette’s to embrace it and use it as motivation to better themselves as well.

2016 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Thank you, Tourette’s”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2016 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

SeanK

SeanK

The piercing frequency of my alarm clock shattered the barrier between an unconscious dream of mine and the cruel reality of Monday morning. With eyes half open and hair protruding in all directions, I made my way to the shower. As I flicked the light switch on in the bathroom, I stared at the mirror long enough to witness myself clench my left arm, throw my right arm to my side, and make a faint noise in my throat. Following these tics, I exposed to my mirror a gigantic smile; today was going to be a good day.

I have Tourette’s, and although it’s contrary to the above paragraph, I didn’t always embrace my tics. Learning to live with, accept, and at times even love my Tourette’s was a long, hard journey. I wouldn’t say I was ever depressed, though I was often frustrated. Not only was I dealing with the physical effects of Tourette’s, but also the psychological aspect. Any time I twitched, clenched my jaw, or made any faint noise in my throat, I felt anything but normal. Though the truth was that I was a teenager and with this title came normal teenager worries such as insecurity. Whenever someone asked me why I continuously did some movement with my body, I’d make up some stupid excuse then quickly change the subject. Though, it wasn’t until the summer of my junior year that everything changed for the better.

As the school year ended and summer got closer, I started to prepare my trek to Hardwick New Jersey where my friends and I decided to kick off our summer by volunteering as camp counselors at a Muscular Dystrophy Camp. The format of the camp is that each volunteer gets assigned a kid diagnosed with some form of muscular dystrophy, and we spend the week doing everything in our power to make it the best week of their lives. My camper’s name was Ethan, and although he was a little shy at first, we left the camp best of friends and even keep in touch to this day. From the beginning of camp, I sensed that Ethan’s muscular dystrophy, much like my Tourette’s, had him dealing with psychological effects. I did all I could to make him feel like he could talk to me about anything; that I would hear him out and be there for him.

One particular day Ethan was feeling especially frustrated due to the amount of medicine he had to take at breakfast and I immediately sensed this. After about ten minutes of silence, I said “Man I hate taking medicine everyday it’s so annoying.” I saw Ethan’s head perk up, and we had one of the most moving talks I’ve ever been a part of. I told Ethan about my Tourette’s and how everyone has something in their life that they struggle with; I told him it’s what makes us unique. I told him to never be ashamed of what makes you different because the toughest battles are given to the strongest soldiers. I didn’t know where my words were coming from, but I knew they were helping and that they were true. I didn’t sleep much that night, but rather stayed awake all night thinking about what I had said. I realized how much I needed to take my own advice, and vowed from that night on that I would no longer hide my insecurities but rather embrace them.

It was the camp that catalyzed this realization, but it was my Tourette’s that was trying to teach me this lesson all along. So, how has Tourette’s played a part in my life? It’s made me realize that it’s ok to be different and that instead of hiding our insecurities we should embrace them as things that make us wonderfully unique. Everyone has their insecurities, but the way that I now see it is that we can either let them rule our lives or we can embrace them and learn to love ourselves. Although it might sound odd, I am forever grateful for my Tourette’s; it has taught me to love and accept myself for who I am, and this lesson is priceless.

Watch NJCTS Youth Advocate Tess Kowalski’s interview on ABC’ NJ Viewpoint

We are so proud of NJCTS Youth Advocate Tess Kowalski and Tim Kowalski who were interviewed by ABC’s Ken Rosato for NJ Viewpoint. Thank you for representing NJCTS and for all you continue to do to raise Tourette Syndrome awareness! If you missed the segment that aired on Sunday you can watch it here. Bravo!

Struggling with tics and anxiety and looking for support

Hi! My name is Hannah, and I have been struggling with Tourette’s for about 6-7 years now. I was never formally diagnosed, though. However, I was diagnosed with depression, ocd, and have multiple symptoms of ADD, however I don’t know if that’s just because of my tics or not. Ever since I was a kid I have done weird tics that made others look at me like I was crazy. I used to push in on my stomach almost as if I was trying to hurt myself. That was where it started. I then developed head-banging & hand shaking symptoms. That was in 4-5 grade. (I still have those 2 to this day & I am a junior in high school) My first vocal tic was a noise I would make as if I was trying to mock a frog. Followed by constant throat clearing and grunting. Those two have also lasted to this day, however the frog noise lasted around 2 years. By seventh grade, I started feeling extremely depressed and I got prescribed 40mg of Prozac to try and help my depression and anxiety. Once I started taking that, my tics continued to get worse. I was still feeling depressed for about 2 years and I developed new tics. They included eye blinking, kicking my leg, having to touch something with my right hand after it touches my left, mocking facial gestures of others (especially on tv), mocking others noises, thumb clicking, shoulder shrugging, jaw clenching, and a few others that were minor. (One that I have developed recently (within the past year) is that a few nights a week or when I am taking a nap, I’ll be in the middle of sleeping/ falling asleep, and I will wake myself up by shouting a random word that I have no control over.)They seem to get worse when I’m thinking about them, but they get better when I’m either doing math or art. I am an honors student in Highschool and make all a’s, which is why my mother never felt like it truly affected me as much as it does. It may not affect me so much academically, but socially and physically it is terrible. Yes, I have a small friend group that knows about my symptoms and makes sure to accept my flaws, but in an uncomfortable situation, or around new people, my tics begin to spiral out of control to where I even sometimes have minutes at a time where my whole body starts shaking and all of my tics go off at once. A lot of the time, I can suppress my tics when I am trying to attract as little attention to myself as possible. However, the longer I hold it in, the worse the urges get. Once I let it out, it all comes out at once and I can’t control it until it takes its toll. I am scared that this will be difficult for me when I apply for a job or try to do anything on my own when I graduate highschool. I have extremely bad social anxiety as well, so the job interview is the scariest part of a job for me. If I am not familiar with the person I get nervous and my tics start to spiral, motor and vocal. I always feel like an outcast because people just don’t understand. I would be so thankful if you would accept all of my efforts to join this blog! I have been looking for a support group and people to talk to that share similar struggles as me and this would be an amazing opportunity! Thank you so much for reading this it really means a lot to me.

Side note:

There are also other minor tics that I do excessively that I never knew were tics until I researched this subject. Such as nail biting, lip biting, knuckle cracking, etc. I didn’t know if those were relevant or not as many people do those things when they get nervous.

Different Sides of TS

Having Tourettes for 15 years, I thought I knew everything about them. Or, at least everything about mine, but every once in a while I learn something new.

I have learned a lot about myself during this time. I have my normal everyday tics and noises that consist of hitting my sides, tightening every muscle in my body, as well as squeaks and grunts. I know that when I’m really happy or excited my tics are exemplified. My squeaks get louder and I have a full body tic where I’m smiling. When I’m mad or really upset I usually grunt and have a full body tic. I know I have my tics that only happen when I’m in the car, where I very quickly hit the gas with my foot revving the engine, or I ever so slightly turn the wheel quickly in one direction and then place it back going straight. I know whenever somethings on my head, such as sunglasses or a beanie, I usually have a head tic where I throw my head back. Along with that I have learned that too many sugary foods such as simple carbs (they turn into sugar in your body), sweets, and fruits make them worse. I’ve learned that when my tics are really bad and I have a lot of excess energy running or heavy duty exercising can help reduce them. I know if I do not take my medication at the same time everyday, or if I miss a couple of pills that my tics will get worse. I recover faster from too many sugary foods than missing my medication. There are waxing and waining period for Tourettes, and in the spring they usually get worse.

This is the majority of what I’ve learned, but what others notice and do can take me by surprise. When I have a lot of little tics and I don’t realize them, sometimes someone will let me know and I’ll be stunned thinking, “I thought I hadn’t been ticing at all.” When I get distracted and stop ticing all together because, in a sense, I have “forgotten” I had tourettes, I am surprised when someone brings it up because I didn’t realize I hadn’t ticed in X amount of time. I’ve found out when I become close to people, they normally don’t even realize I’m ticking anymore because they get used to is, which is nice for me to know. But my favorite was when my best friend asked me what I was concentrating on over the phone, and when I asked how’d she knew, she told me I have different tics when I’m concentrating, which I never knew.

Through trials and tribulations I have learned a lot about myself. I am consistently growing and trying to find more out about TS, and about my form of TS. It is just nice to know I’m not the only one discovering new things 🙂

2015 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Defining Myself”

This is an anonymous essay submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2015 Children’s Scholarship Award contest. We hope you enjoy it!

As I think about my journey in life so far there is a central theme of determination that truly has identified who I am. Around the third grade I became distracted just trying to manage what seemed like ridiculous and annoying random movements. These daily distractions interrupted my life as a child and so after many months of medical tests, I was diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome. The diagnosis gave me some answers and peace of mind yet I still struggled with many unanswered questions. I used to think that if I could just control the tics then I could get on with my life. However; it took medication and several types of therapy to help mask some of my tics. Sports were always a great distraction for me and became a stress releaser. I played just about any sport there was like travel soccer, baseball, lacrosse and eventually power lifting. While on the field I was free to be me and my opponents simply focused on the athlete in me and not necessarily the boy with Tourette’s. I have personally experienced the positive impact that sports can have on your confidence and sense of personal achievement. I have also witnessed the satisfaction and sense of accomplishment experienced through working as part of a team.

Furthermore, I have experienced roadblocks such as being asked to take study hall instead of wood shop and endured the brutality of bullying due to my condition. By the way, I took wood shop and earned an “A”. Fortunately, I have also always had the benefit of being part of a very close family which has motivated me to stand up for myself. They have continued to believe in me and encouraged me to be the best person that I can possibly be. I do not let difficulties stop me from succeeding, but accept the challenge to remain focused on my goals.

Staying focused on personal goals gives me purpose. I know that so much can be learned from sharing personal experiences with others. This gives us the insight to realize that even though we come from different backgrounds, origins or statuses that we all face many challenges. These challenges may not be obvious at first sight but they shape the people we have become. I know my perception of others has changed especially while working with special needs kids. Through the special needs soccer program I have experienced firsthand how a sense of accomplishment can brighten the face of a child. Each person has the ability to impact another person’s life and talents to share.

Finally, I think that having Tourette’s has made me even more determined to prove that I am so much more than a person with a condition. I am a person who sets goals and works tirelessly to reach those goals. I know that hard work and passion are what defines me. I will continue to follow my path to discover my destiny.

2015 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay “Not a Definition”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2015 Children’s Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

NolanK

NolanK

I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome when I was seven years old. At that age, it did not bother me much, and was not severe. It did not even cross my mind often at all. As I grew up, in my little, close-knit town of Lyndhurst, the tics did increase in severity. Naturally it started to bother me more and more as time passed by. In Lyndhurst, everyone seems to know each other and is friendly towards one another. This fortunately ended up benefiting me when it came to my TS. In elementary school, I went to class with the same thirty kids every day of every school year. I was very much respected by all of my teachers, classmates, and coaches as well. I lived a happy childhood with great friends who I loved so much, many of whom I am still friends with today. As I look back, I think about what an amazing,happy life I’ve had. I think about how appreciative I am, because I have lived this incredible, happy life that I am so grateful despite having TS.

This past year, I have come to realize that the best philosophy that any person with Tourette’s could have is that it does not define you. Little did I know that this was subconsciously my mentality throughout my whole life. It took me a few years to actually build up the courage to tell people about my disorder when they had asked about it. Before that, when people unknowingly asked about my tics, I would act as if nothing happened. Even then, it did not occur to me that the disorder I had was seen as something that stifled children from living a normal, happy life. I kept being myself and it worked. I acted as if there really was nothing wrong with me, because that was how I wanted to be viewed by others. I really was a normal kid who played sports, hung out with his friends as often as possible, and received excellent grades. Everything else in my life followed suit.

As I anxiously began high school, I told myself to act like I always had been. Fortunately, this was an extremely beneficial plan of action. Although I did make obvious screeching sounds and neck movements in the middle of class, my peers did not seem to mind much. I remained the kind, respectful, student and friend that everyone was fond of. My younger cousin also had tics, which caused me to start thinking about my own case. It became clear that since I knew I was a normal person, I could easily be one. I could even be extraordinary.

Medication was necessary due to the severity of my tics for quite some time. It made me very drowsy, and my mind constantly foggy. One summer, I reduced the dosage to help myself feel more alive and energetic. I then had to increase the dose again when my tics escalated. Eventually, with the help of my parents and neurologist, I slowly began to decrease the amount of medicine I was taking. In due time, I was completely medicine free. Soon, I started to become more energetic, as I hoped I would. I was loving life. The best part was my tics had barely gotten worse!

Over these past few months, with the new found gift of a clear, open mind, I have been thinking a lot about this topic. I realize that the best way to live with TS, is to act like it doesn’t even exist. This is what I have done for the majority of my life, and it could not have turned out better. I have never missed honor roll, I am a three year varsity baseball player and captain, have so many friends who I wouldn’t trade for anything, a caring family, and an incredible girlfriend who won homecoming queen along side me winning king. It is more than possible for people with this disorder to be as people without it. In fact, they can be extraordinary. Tourette Syndrome is not a definition. It is not who I am. I am Nolan, and that has worked wonderfully for me.

2015 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Nothing Can Stop the Inevitable”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2015 Children’s Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

No amount of preparation or planning can stop the inevitable, for it is something from which you cannot run nor hide and no matter where you are it will always find you. From the day I was born, though no one realized it then, l would eventually face a medical condition that would inexorably direct certain pathways in my life. When l was 8 years old l was diagnosed with what would come to be the biggest obstacle in my life, Tourette Syndrome. Tourette is a neurological disorder characterized by repetitive, uncontrollable and involuntary movements and vocalizations called tics. For years I had been living with this disorder but never realized that the strange and unusual things l did with my eyes and arms, and the noises l made were abnormal. l was only a child and thought that l was no different from anyone else. l thought that l was “normal”. lt wasn’t until one day of elementary school and a call from the school nurse about a severe head jerking movement when my parents came to the realization that something was not right. After visits to the emergency room and various doctors, I no longer perceived myself as a normal regular kid but as the kid with the tic. Even at such a young age, Tourette Syndrome was the most frustrating and distracting thing in my life. There is no cure for this disorder, but there are many medications to help control symptoms. However, with the numerous medications comes lots of trial and error. In the search for the right medication for me I had to persevere through medication that make me sleepy, some that gave me insomnia, and some that gave me severe mood swings. Searching for the right medication that would suppress my tics without negative side effects was like searching for a needle in a haystack. Many things can trigger my tics to start acting up, like sugar, caffeine, stress, fatigue, to name a few. As life went on and l got older, all these things were becoming much more prevalent in my life. l ended up having to watch what I ate, manage my sleeping and homework patterns, and, while doing all this, try not to get stressed out. As a kid all l wanted to do was have fun and enjoy life with my friends but l was unable to do so because of the Tourette Syndrome. When l was younger, it was very hard to control my sporadic movements and noises and kids would always ask what was I doing. l was afraid of telling the truth because l thought l would not fit in anymore. As l got older l found different ways to suppress or redirect my tics into more socially acceptable actions and vocalizations. I also became more accepting of my disorder and didn’t feel the need to lie about it anymore. lf someone asked me about the strange things l was doing l was finally able to simply tell them the truth. Not having to lie to myself and others about who I really was allowed me to take control of my life instead of my Tourette Syndrome controlling my life. My tics may never completely go away, but am accepting of that because it is a part of who I am and I would not be the same confident person lam today if I had not once been “the kid with the tic.”