Our differences make us who we are

While growing up in two different places, I never really stood out in the crowd. I was just normal, in a good way I suppose, and I didn’t think much of it. Although I feared new environments due to my shyness, I was soon in America by the age of three. I spent five full and fun years and went back to Korea. As I recall I was very organized, did all my work, and focused perfectly well. Those were probably the few reasons why I didn’t expect myself to be in the position that I was, and still am now. I don’t think that I will forget the three years of my Tourette Syndrome experiences.

To begin with, I had never even heard of the word Tourette’s before I started to have tics. I don’t remember when it first started. I don’t think you can have tics, the constant movements or noises I make, all of a sudden. It might have happened slowly, but it also could have been rushed through, too. One thing I clearly remember is the time my mom and dad told me we were going to the doctor’s when I was eleven years old. They weren’t very specific, but I already suspected it was because of my head-shaking and eye-rolling. “But why?” I asked. When my dad answered the question, I started to yell that I would not go. That I was not mentally ill. But I had to, and I did. After waiting for an hour and half, (it was a very good and big hospital) and within minutes I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome. It was too much information that I did not understand at that point.

Although this post is not going to be purposely overly depressing, the first years were probably the hardest. It was when the truth hit me hard. My condition was worse than right now. Then, I had to accept the fact that I was “different.” Every time I looked around, I saw people. People just sitting, writing, laughing, playing. All doing so while staying still. But me? Why couldn’t I do the same? My Tourette Syndrome medicines increased to a high dose, and I started receiving antidepressants. I would have to answer the embarrassing question whenever I met someone: “Why do you do that?” There were a few times when some disturbing boys just had to imitate me, and I would get very emotional at those times. I would cry. I was never the one in control when it came to my tics. I was insecure enough―and I didn’t need them to point out the facts for me. And some days it was kind of annoying and depressing, unfair and just sad. For so many reasons, really. I hated when people who I didn’t even know stared at me as if I were strange, abnormal. I didn’t like how someone would judge me before they would even get to know me. It was inevitable, though. People would see my Tourette’s before they would see me. I didn’t like it.

Whenever I would share these kind of moments to adults, my doctor, parents, I felt like they would never fully, completely understand. I would spill the words out from my heart sometimes, but some days I would seal my mouth shut. I could never share these experiences to any of my Tourette’s-inexperienced friends, not even to my closest ones. They would never really get it. Even now, I’ve never really talked to them about it other than tell them about it. I knew that everyone was always there for me. But in a way, they weren’t because they would never truly know how it feels.

I sometimes admit that I think I have had a lot to benefit from having Tourette Syndrome. For example, I see more in people than I had before. I know what it’s like to be depressed. I understand how hard it is to be so hateful toward your own self. I know how sometimes, you don’t want to get out of bed; you just want to sleep forever. I also know that I’m no different than others. Our differences make us who we are.

But if you’re thinking having Tourette’s isn’t painful, or maybe not that bad let me tell you that you won’t want to have it. People stare. Your neck will hurt, and you’ll pretend to roll your neck naturally in school—oh, I’m just stretching—afraid people will notice. Anyone can use it against you; from petty girls to “Everyone likes me so I’m a good person” type of boys. It can be genetic, but in my case none of my parents had it. I could make a list of reasons why I don’t want it. When I look back at the past, I was a very sad third-grader. I was always stressed. I was this normal, popular girl in America, and when I came to Korea, I suddenly had these stupid, severe tics. I mostly cried everyday, and screamed a lot, too. I continued to read a lot. I only enjoyed reading English books, and it was one of my few remedies. I had only a few girl friends. Most of my friends were boys. I didn’t care though, until I got to fourth grade.

It was the first day of school in fourth grade, and as soon as I walked into the classroom, I was screwed. First of all, my tics were in bad condition. Especially my vocal tics, which are the sound tics. Second, I barely knew anyone in the classroom. ‘Forget good first impressions,’ I thought to myself. Almost everyone knew each other, which was very awkward for me. When I got to my seat I waited until my teacher came and until everyone was in the classroom. I still remember this, and I almost died of embarrassment, but I kept on clearing my throat. A boy, who was the most popular boy in our class later on, suddenly called out, “Who’s making that weird sound?” At the time no one knew except for me. Later on, everyone probably figured it out. It did not stop the girls from staring or constantly asking me why I was doing it or what I was doing.

I have recently watched a video called “I Have Tourette’s but Tourette’s Doesn’t Have Me.” I saw some things I already knew, one of them was there is at least one child with Tourette’s in every school in the U.S. It was one of those facts that I had to remind myself. In the video, I saw children between the ages of six to thirteen with Tourette’s. I found myself relating to them, especially a boy named Seth and a girl named Anna. When I heard her talking about seeking true friends, I ached because I remembered how bad I longed for a true friend for years. I cried while seeing Anna pounding her stomach, seeing her cry, scream, and talk. I cried because I saw myself. I cried because I felt her pain.

Even today, I am sensitive about my Tourette’s. I think it’s because knowing that I’m no different, and feeling like it are two different things. However, I am more truthful about it now. I have told a few of my friends what I have, because I think it is wise to. My doctor, thinks that I should tell my friends, too. I don’t think I’ll have to lie about it again. I am not embarrassed anymore. I previously had one incident, caused by my Tourette’s last year. It made me feel so many emotions at once and I quickly burst into tears. I don’t want to cry for something that is not even worthy of my tears. It’s been done too many times. I know my tics aren’t going to suddenly go away. I don’t expect them to. I know it takes time. I don’t have any stress or depression. I think the stress was one of the harder stages. I will continue to find my way, and the more I do, I think the more I will accept my Tourette Syndrome.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Tourette Syndrome will always be a part of me”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Trevor S.

At ten years old, I was diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome and it has had an impact on my life at first. Being so young, I did not really understand what Tourette Syndrome was, or what I was diagnosed with. It made it a little difficult to communicate with friends and let them know exactly what I was doing or why I ticced. One of the things that I wanted to do when I grew up was to learn more about Tourette Syndrome so I would learn more about me as a person. I moved to New Jersey two days before the start of my freshmen year. At the start of junior year, my mom found out about the [NJCTS Tim Howard Leadership] academy and it was an awesome experience. It helped me learned more about myself as I learned a lot more about TS than I previously had. The time I had at the academy left me feeling great that I finally understood who I was and I could explain to people about TS. I explained what TS was to my friends who were curious and I ended up becoming a youth advocate for TS. During the first couple months of school, I attended a presentation and answered questions for the students about TS. I have also attended two TS walks. I have recently been accepted to the academy again and look forward to attending it. Tourette Syndrome has had such an impact on my life that I do not believe I can imagine my life any other way. My letter for college was about Tourette Syndrome and how it had affected my life. I have been accepted into all but one of my colleges and have received the presidential scholarship at every university. Tourette Syndrome is, and will always be a part of me. It does make certain things interesting such as school and sports but it invites me to see new things. In school, I do well and I get to have extra times on my tests when it is needed. While there are some negatives, the positives outweigh the few negatives by a lot. I have made many new friends through the academy and other places and my knowledge in general has increased.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “The Same Kind of Different as Normal”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Rose P.

“All the world is full of suffering. It is all so full of overcoming.” – Helen Keller.

We never think of the simple tasks we do from day to day like getting dressed, making our bed in the morning, even just writing our name on a piece of paper as difficult. These are things that normal people take for granted, but in second grade these were my biggest struggles. I was constantly losing control of my body and then gaining it back just as fast. It’s a misunderstood neurological disorder called Tourette Syndrome.

As a child I didn’t understand what was happening, why I had changed and became so different from my classmates. Why I could no longer be just as normal as they were? I could still run, jump and play. I was constantly exhausted because even when I tried to sit still, my body was in constant motion. I often had to be sent home because I was unable to sit in my chair at school when my tics became too severe. Every day I would go to bed with the desire to be “normal.” Every morning I would wake up with the hope that one day my tics would go away. The only thing was, it never happened. Through it all I began to admire Helen Keller for how she lived her life and had been able to overcome being both deaf and blind and still learned to speak and go to college. I knew that if she could overcome her differences so could I. That one day I would be able to beat my Tourette Syndrome.

Even today I may struggle doing things when I have a day with more tics than usual. I have never let my Tourette Syndrome get in the way of what I want to do in school and in life. I am able to dance, perform in plays and compete both in swimming and on my school academic team. I have come to learn and accept that being different is being normal for me. The word normal can only be defined by how you see yourself and shouldn’t be defined by how others see you. I feel that because I am not as normal as others, I am able to understand people from a different point of view. I can better understand what people go through medically and emotionally when they are unsure of what may happen next. I have also wanted to help people my entire life. As a first grader, my dream job wasn’t to be an actress or movie star like other kids my age; I wanted to be a scientist and work at St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital to help cancer patients. I didn’t even know what cancer was, but I wanted to find out and make a difference. Now, my dream job is to be a nurse at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia. Tourettes has never stopped me from following my dreams before, and I don’t feel that it will stop me now, either. I was able to overcome many things as a child; I still do every day of my life. Being a nurse will allow me to help the children who may be going through their hardest life challenges, whether they have cancer, or another disease or disorder. I will not only be able to help them medically, but I will be able to show them that if you are determined enough to do something, anything is possible. Just because you have a disability or disorder doesn’t mean you have to live your life as such. We all determine our own destinies in life, for me that’s beating Tourette Syndrome and becoming a nurse. Normal and different is only what you make of it. It doesn’t matter how others see you. You are your own kind of normal and that’s the best kind there is.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Growth Through Opportunity”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest. 

James P.

Even though many people in the outside world regard Tourette syndrome as a disability and hindrance towards a person’s overall success, I believe Tourette’s has been a God-given gift that has shaped me into the strong-minded and resolute individual that I am today. When I was six, I was officially diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome, but did not begin to experience the effects of my disorder until a few years later. Growing up, I attended a private, Catholic school that had about twenty students per class. In the fourth grade, word quickly spread around that I was the “weird kid” as more of my peers realized that I was the only one who moved his face in strange ways. Although none of my classmates were bothered by my tics, a couple of boys from the grade above me took this as an opportunity to tease me every time I saw them. After a few months of ignoring the endless bombardment of name-calling and insults, I unfortunately decided to fight back with my fists instead of my words. Predictably, I ended up in the office of our principal, an authoritarian nun who had zero tolerance for violence. Expecting to be scolded by her for my actions, I was surprised to hear her say that Tourette syndrome was a blessing from God and not to worry about what other people thought or said about it. While what she said still resonates in my mind to this day, I only started to believe her after I attended the NJCTS Tim Howard Leadership Academy this past summer.

Before I attended the Academy, I chose to ignore the fact that Tourette’s is an important part of my identity, despite what my principal told me seven years ago. Heading into the Academy, I thought I was just going to learn about coping mechanisms, for when my tics become unbearable, and how to explain to new acquaintances that I have Tourette syndrome. What I took away the most from the Academy though, was how to successfully use resilience, courage, and grit in my pursuit of playing collegiate baseball. During my time at Rutgers, I was in the midst of the recruiting process and was preparing for the largest showcase I would be attending the next week. I was undoubtedly afraid of not performing to the best of my abilities that stemmed from a lack of confidence. However, at the Academy I learned that in order to compete amongst the elite baseball players in the United States, I must overcome the hardships I faced in the past, athletically and psychologically, so I could confidently develop into a better pitcher. Of the three traits, nonetheless, grit was the characteristic that I believe helped me the most during that showcase. Baseball has and always will be a game that tests a person’s strength of character and distinguishes the best players from the rest of the field. The same can be said about how I started to live with my Tourette’s after I left the Academy. Instead of continuing to hide my tics from the outside world and let insecurity consume me, I chose to dive into life with an open mind ready to accept the curveballs God sends my way. With this new mentality and approach to adversity, I was able to pitch my way into the hearts of a handful of college coaches and am happy to say that I will be continuing my baseball career at Kenyon College next year.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “How Tourette Syndrome has Played a Part in My Life”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Nicholas A.

When I was in kindergarten, my home was full of stress. I don’t remember actually knowing why, I just knew my home was different than others. I had a younger brother being diagnosed with Autism, parents who didn’t get along, and my mother was battling cancer. Needless to say, things were a bit stressful.

It started with just slightly shaking my head, and eventually over the course of the year, progressed to also making musical noises with the head shaking. I wasn’t aware that people were noticing it until I got to third grade. My friend asked, “Why do you make those noises.” Once kids started noticing, and my grades started to be affected, my mom took me to a neurologist where I was officially diagnosed with Tourette Syndrome.

I was put on medication which worked beautifully, my mom got me a tutor so I could catch up, and socially I began to develop. Once I reached this point, my mom and I started talking openly about stress and how to manage it, as well as when it’s time for help. Let’s face it, life is full of stress and changes. It’s just the way life is, maybe more now than ever before.

I’ve learned to stay active in sports, have a nice work-play balance, and try to get enough sleep, and eat right. I do believe it’s a combination of all these things that has helped me manage my disease as well as I have. Over the past decade, I’ve only needed to return to a medication regime, and only for a very short period of time. I’m aware my future is unpredictable, but I do feel that with the right tools, my future will be bright and productive.

Tourette’s does not define me. It’s part of my life and always will be, but has forced me to take care of myself mentally and spiritually, which can only be a good thing in my eyes.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Life’s a Twitch”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Anna B.

One of my all time favorite quotes is by Scott Hamilton, “The only disability in life is a bad attitude.” From my own experience, I can honestly say this is very true. Life with Tourette is very unpredictable and sometimes you just have to learn to roll with the punches. I am not always the best at this, according to my parents my attitude is, “less than awesome.” At least it used to be, with age and acceptance it has improved tremendously.  

As a twelve year old who’s tics were becoming more obvious by the day, I decided to make a difference. I wasn’t going to let my so called ‘disability’ hold me back. I knew without explaining myself the kids at school were going to make fun of me because they didn’t understand. That’s why I did research and wrote my own speech to present. If the kids are uneducated and pick on me it’s just because they don’t understand, but if they understand and still are unwilling to accept me then that’s their problem. I gave my very first speech to my class in the sixth grade which coincidentally was also the day I got my diagnoses. All the positive reactions empowered me. During my research I came across the National Tourette Syndrome Association’s Youth Ambassador Training program in Washington, DC, and the New Jersey Center for Tourette Syndrome (NJCTS). I was trained to be an advocate for TS and given a presentation to use in schools. I began presenting professionally to small classrooms but it wasn’t until I became involved with NJCTS that I really began making a difference. I attended the first patient center education training and another training on how to present in classrooms. My sophomore year of high school I spoke to around 50 doctors and other medical professionals about Tourette. Every presentation I did gave me a little boost of confidence, which for a shy kid was life changing.

Though my transition through it all seemed like smooth sailing was far from it. To put it gently, freshman year I was a hot mess. I had developed coprolalia and let it get the better of me. My bad attitude really was crippling. I focused on what was going wrong instead of focusing on how I could use it to my advantage. [NJCTS Family Retreat Weekend at] Camp Bernie changed that for me. I made amazing friends who I am actually talking to as a write this four years later. Hearing their experiences and sharing coping techniques was huge for me. Being in a place where my differences were not only accepted, but embraced as well, was utterly life changing. Steven, a teacher who also struggles with coprolalia, made me realize that even if I didn’t improve I could still be successful and teach special education as well. Once I was able to come to terms with my Tourette I was able to help others do the same.  

Now I am a happy, successful, eighteen year old pursuing my dreams and doing my best to empower those around me to do the same. My favorite example of this was a presentation I did a few years back. A third boy was being bullied for his TS so I did a presentation at his school. After the presentation, he came up to me and said, “Thank you, I think I’m going to have friends now.” It all starts with a good attitude and self acceptance.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “My Tourette’s, My Advantage”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Tim Howard, an amazing athlete playing Premier Soccer and two-time representative in the World cup. He defines himself as a player who happens to have Tourette. We have this in common. No, I am not a professional soccer player, but I am a successful student, passionate person, and someone who has compassion for everyone beyond belief, who happens to have Tourette. Many view my Tourette as a disability. I, on the other hand strongly believe it is to my advantage. The person who I see in the mirror everyday is not the once shy kid who was afraid to speak out. I am someone who is not afraid to advocate or my condition, someone who smiles at the sight of a challenge, someone whose ambition is so high that whatever my life has to throw at me I can easily pick myself up, dust off my shoulder and trek forward. I already have one challenge completed: not let my Tourette control me.

I was diagnosed with TS at seven years old, and Howard was one of many who my dad told me about who was very successful in various fields of life that had Tourette. It was great to have these examples when I was forced to resolve awkward questions from peers and the occasional bullying in school. Even teachers would make comments about the unusual things I would do in the classroom. I was very shy about my tics and never spoke out to advocate for my condition. As I look back to who I was then, and who I became today I realized that the NJCTS Tim Howard Leadership Academy changed me. Those three weekends showed me that I don’t have to hide, and I should be proud of who I am.

During my first year at the Academy, my confidence boosted tremendously. I was able to talk about my tics in a light-hearted fashion and I also started to feel a sense of pride about having Tourette. I no longer view Tourette as a disability because it makes me who I am today. Throughout the academy many professionals in the medical field helped me to improve myself with the condition I have. With this new information, I was able to teach important lessons and advocate for others at the end of my third year. The coaches and others who attended the academy made me a better person today by teaching me how to advocate for myself. They shared stories with me in meetings which allowed me to share my story, thus shaping me into the person who is not afraid to speak out and advocate for our “advantage”. The Tim Howard Leadership Academy is near and dear to my heart. This academy was the first time I was able to express my true self in front of newly made friends, and not to be embarrassed about my condition. It was a great opportunity to let out my inner “Noah” without the fear of rejection and abnormalcy to people who go through similar situations in their life.

I truly believe that my Tourette has guided me to become a person who not only could defy expectations but to accomplish triumphs I never expected to complete. Who would have thought a kid with a so-called “disability” could get into every school they applied to and have so many options to better their future. I would encourage people with Tourette or other “advantages” to speak out, to let the world know that we can do anything we set our mind to. Yes it might be a struggle, but that just means we will work 10 times harder than an average person. Whatever my future is – a doctor, a lawyer, a teacher – I know that with my little buddy by my side (Tourette) we can defy the odds and do anything. Now I might not be the greatest athlete or the most brilliant student but I am who I am. The condition called Tourette will be a part of me for my entire life but it will not be a limitation. I cannot control how people view me. can only control how I view myself.

 

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “Growing Up with Tourette”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

Tess K.

Eleven years ago: I sit, legs crossed, looking down at the brightly colored shapes and
letters covering the carpet below me. I’m in my kindergarten classroom. The teacher walks through the door and abruptly stops. “Tess, are you crying again?” I squeeze my eyes shut and desperately attempt to stop the tears. My teacher stares at me. She’s disappointed, I can tell. “Do I need to call your parents again to take you home?” I nod and get up to follow her out of my classroom.

Getting home always felt good, like I was finally in a place where I could be me. My six year old self never questioned why I felt so out of place; I would just cry in my room because something felt fundamentally wrong. Five months after kindergarten began, I finally realized why. I began to hear countless adults tell me, “You have Tourette Syndrome which means you will experience some movements and sounds that you won’t be able to control, but don’t worry, you’re ok.” However, no matter how many times I heard these words and saw the encouraging smiles that so often came with that sentence, I was still scared. I wondered why I couldn’t finish a sentence without uncontrollably sniffing, or why I couldn’t stop blinking. I didn’t want to do these things, and I hated that I wasn’t in control of my body. I barely understood what I had been diagnosed with, and the unknown terrified me.

For six years, I hid my Tourette. I only told my closest friends and family, and I relied on my parents to explain my situation to anyone else. My coping mechanisms were successful, but nevertheless untruthful. I would lie about my Tourette, telling people I just had a cold or there was something in my eye. Every time I made another excuse I felt guilty about hiding who I really was. My life was good, but I still lacked the necessary skills to advocate for myself and others with Tourette.

Five years ago: I stand in my synagogue, pacing back and forth, holding a speech, my speech, tightly in my hands. I see people file into the room. I start to shake, doubting myself and the decision I have made. Hello everyone, my name is Tess. I’m in 7th grade, and I’m here to talk to you today about a neurological condition I have, called Tourette Syndrome. I think to myself: Can I really say these words and can I say them with confidence? I walk up to the front of the room. I take a deep breath, calming my body and mind. I smile and begin. I hear my voice, a strong powerful voice I barely recognize. I think: Is this really me? Am I really doing this? I am.

Present Day: I sometimes recall memories of when I gave my first talk. It’s hard to even
remember that scared little girl I used to be. From the moment I finished that speech I knew I was not that child anymore. Now I proudly advocate for my disorder and I am not embarrassed about who I am. I want to become a voice for kids who haven’t found theirs yet. I present in classrooms to students with Tourette so they don’t feel the need to hide their disorder in school. I present in hospitals to doctors to share my personal struggles and story. I am finally comfortable in my own skin.

The Future: Educating others and explaining how important it is to accept one another is something I will always be passionate about. I’ve made it my goal to publicly speak about Tourette whenever I can. I want to continue doing this throughout my life. I will always make it my mission to share as much knowledge about Tourette as I possibly can, because then hopefully someday others will too.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “What It’s Like to Be Me”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest. I hope you enjoy it!

Rachel M.

I have Tourette but Tourette does not have me. I have told myself this from day one, when I was diagnosed at 5 years old with Tourette Syndrome. It is a part of me and I let it help describe what kind of person I am. I feel like I am stronger because I have had to deal with this; more aware that I have seen other people just like me and some even worse; smarter because I now know how to deal with my disorder and how to figure out my goals. There are times when it gets rough but I learn from those times; how to handle my body differently; how to distract myself so I do not hurt myself; how to advocate for myself and how to make up work quickly at school; how to calm myself down. Things that help with my tics, are things like, petting an animal, crafting something (like a wreath), playing games on my phone, playing on my laptop, hanging with my friends, getting a hug, and just concentrating on something for a while. Since there is no specific medicine to cure Tourette, it has been experiments from day one. Try this, and try that. It gets frustrating when things do not work and it is relieving when medicines decide to help. And sometimes, the side effects from the medicine were not worth it. It was actually better to be ticcing than to be on a medicine that made me gain tons of weight, or have changes in my hormones, or get a huge permanent birthmark. From first grade through middle school, I would stand in front of my class and advocate for myself; telling my classmates about my disorder. I loved hearing when they had questions. It showed that they wanted to understand more about my condition and more about me. There were some kids that were not so nice, but everyone has those kids, regardless of if you have a disorder or not. I just kept myself away from those kids and kept moving forward. In high school, all the bullying magically stopped. It was probably because I completely switched school districts. But, I do have to admit that there were times where those kids got to me; made me wonder why I was not born “normal”. But in reality, there is no normal. You can be, whoever you want to be in life. I learned not to be the person that everyone wants you to be, but be the person that you want to be. Be a person that satisfies you. Do not let anyone stand in your way just because you have a disorder or you have acne, or you are not as smart as some of the other kids. That is just you. You are special in your own way. I have learned that throughout my years of dealing with this disorder, I cannot stop it. I could not prevent it. I was born with it. Just like people are born with blue eyes or freckles. Be who you want to be in life. Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back. I am living the life I want to live. I am making something of myself. I am going to succeed. For a while, I let my tics overtake me. And I was just getting lower and lower. I did not know if they would ever let up and stop. Finally my friends told me to hold my head high again and push through. So I did. And yes it was hard. But I succeeded. Maybe I will be able to tell more people about my disorder, the older I get. Maybe I can learn to advocate for myself better so that I can create a club. Maybe I can meet more people with similar or even the same disorder and we can discuss our problems and how we overcame them.

2017 NJCTS Youth Scholarship Award Essay: “How Tourette Syndrome has Played a Role in My Life”

This is the essay I submitted to the NJ Center for Tourette Syndrome & Associated Disorders (NJCTS) for their 2017 Youth Scholarship Award contest.

DavidC

A major obstacle I had to overcome, and I still deal with, is having Tourette Syndrome. When I started sixth grade, my parents noticed the twitches and grunts continuously emitting from my eyes, mouth and arms, when I watched television. I knew something was wrong long before, but never said anything. I would be in class and my tics annoyed and worried classmates who sat near me. “Is that you?” they would ask. For a long time, I was self-conscious of my actions and hated how there was nothing I could do to stop it. When school got harder, the tics got worse. I also had trouble reading passages in textbooks. My eye doctor said my right eye was weaker than my left, so I had a delayed sensory. I compensated for this by re-reading passages until I understood the text. My doctor said what should have taken 30 minutes to read, would take me up to two hours. It made sense to me, because I studied for long periods of time at home, and often went for extra help before, during and after school. It wasn’t until my junior year that my parents had me classified. The designation allowed me to get extra time for tests and other support. I’m proud that despite the Tourrette, I took AP and High Honors classes and was able to maintain a 4.0 GPA throughout high school. I was able to overcome this disability with sheer will and support from my family, teachers, and friends.

Having a steady hand is crucial in a drawing, but I also know that doing something I enjoy limits the impact of my Tourettes. It’s amazing, but, when I’m drawing I never experience tics. I love to draw and I love creating art. I want to be able to work more with both of those passions and become an animator.

As a child, I loved watching cartoons. That is how my passion for animation and the arts started. I have found what I want to do and that is to become an animator for a major studio or television network and create my own cartoon series. Even with my disorder and my late start in art, I was still able to apply, and get to accepted, to three amazing art schools. They are Ringling College of Art and Design, Savannah College of Art and Design and California College of the Arts. I still have not decided yet where I would like to go, but I know the disorder will still be there. However I will be there too fighting everyday to make sure my dreams can come true and that I can achieve whatever I want. I did it before with my grades in middle school and high school, and I will do it again in college and in the future when I do become an animator. No matter where I end up, my faith makes me confident that I will find success.